Why I Love Oscar

Oscar Statuette. Picture courtesy of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences.

Oscar Statuette. Picture courtesy of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences.

Let’s be honest. Who does not love Oscar? Everybody loves him! He is the perfect man! Even tonnes of men in the world are in love with him. He is the perfect guy, the perfect couple which fits with everybody. Do not believe me? Well, let me tell you a bunch of reasons of why Oscar is so loved and admired.

He is a bit short, but he has a considerable weight in the industry. There is no one working on filmmaking who do not know who is Oscar and that causes respect. He is also a very influential fellow. It is well known that once you have met him your life will change. Why? Because he is the perfect man. Maybe he will not cook or will clean the house for you, girls, but have clear one thing: if you leave him in a place he is not going to be the whole day complaining about trivialities like other men do about: meals, neither about how bad that dress fits you, neither he is going to step on the floor which you just cleaned it. BUT, above all, you are not going to hear him at all because he is the quietest and silent guy ever. He really deserves his weight on gold AND he is purse size. Never forget that.

I do not think it could be more reasons on this planet to perfectly understand why everybody loves this guy called Oscar. It is the truth that, in time to time, there is someone out there who dares to say bad things about him. Of course, that is so silly like to try to convince the world that Dumbo really existed. We all know Oscar is the perfect man and who does not know it yet… Well, you can keep trying it or to keep blaming him but take care, or you will have to argue face to face with Bruto Mascarpone. And, let me tell you something: that little mouse fellow is really intimidating; Corleone was just a cartoon of him.

Since some years ago the poor Oscar is being overwhelmed by a series of tribulations and critics. He has not could find from where they come from yet but he is just looking in his perfectly pose to them like if those critics were not really with him. Certainly, because they are quite absurd. Why is he going to move an inch or to react towards people who say on a fictional virtual world that the Oscars are so white? What is this: the dress talking again to see which colour was the right one? Are you blind? We ALL know Oscar is gold and black. There are no more colours on here. Quite boring outfit after all these years but they are his colours. Still, what are we going to do? Oscar is quite classical on his manners and he does not change so easy and quick like the fashion trends or the rest of the world.

Just in case, because after the past BAFTA it is clear people on the fantastic virtual world have lost the ability of to can read jokes. I am talking about Oscar, not about the nominations. Leave that complicated metaphors for the filmmaking experts.

However, maybe you are wondering why a hillbilly girl like me has this passion with Oscar. It is a long story which makes me come back to my childhood. The youngest of you probably do not remember these things but I remember…

Some time ago, Oscar and I shared the same day as a birthday party. It was not a coincidence, I know. We are made one for each other Oscar. We are probably soulmates or something like that. You are my real man and my real one. To share our birthday parties was just a real proof of that.

Although, like I am so evil, perverse and twisted. I want to show you how really I met Oscar and why I fell in love with him at the first watch.

Yes, she has the fault of everything which has happened in my life. I loved her films, I even copied her thumb ring trend when I was a kid and everybody looked at me weird. Then, I wanted to be so funny like her and, somehow, I have finished living my own personal Jumpin’ Jack Flash. Girl, what is that? So, that thing that people use to say:  “Take care with what you wish…” Yes, people were bloody right.

Like I am talking about Whoopy Goldberg I am going to insert here a text which does not really have anything to do with that 1994 Oscar Ceremony. However, I must say this:

Do you know there is a huge marketing and publicist team working behind films, actress… to sell the films to the audience? Do you know that even all the efforts that these people can put most of the times people do not get the point and they accuse this department of to cheat them? I mean the audience accuse the marketing folks saying they have cheated the whole world with their copywriting style. I am just telling this because I went recently to watch Carol. Great film, congratulations to all the cast and crew. However, I was shocked. We were just a few, four or five on the whole theatre and… You know, as my secret work as a spy I use to hear others conversations. Well, it seems the guy who made Carol’s poster cheated the audience, Cate Blanchett too. On their words: “For to be a Cate Blanchett’s film it hasn’t so much action and those scenes… Well, they were quite inappropriate.” Did anybody worry in to read the synopses?

So, applying the same rule, and because the folks who make marketing seem to always have the fault of everything. I have a complaint about a Whoopy Goldberg’s film. I saw The Color Purple. It was not funny. Hey, I was a kid and Whoopy was on it! It was your fault you sold the film wrong! Thank you, I had to take out of me this trauma from my childhood. We all know how traumatic life at those ages could be.

Anyway, the 66th Oscar Ceremony… I hope this has nothing to do with the Order 66… 1994 was a very good year. For more improbable coincidences that it could happen and they happen. My first film watched at a cinema in winter of 1993, at a small town theatre screening of Jurassic Park, and look which film was nominated the day of my birthday. Again, Mr Spielberg, you have also the fault of to awake on me a convulsive obsessive dinosaur obsession which made me collect all kind of texts about certain reptiles which were dead millions of years ago. When I talked about Plesiosaurus, Tylosaurus, Oviraptors… No one understood me. They said I spoke weird. Thanks, somebody decided to make the character of Ross at FRIENDS a palaeontologist if not I was doomed.

Ruefully, I did not watch Schindler’s List until 2003. I think you understand why. What am I not sure is if certain people have already found the “secret” meaning of the girl with the red dress? It is not a joke. I do not know which obsession has certain filmmaking community with that red dress. Certainly, it was some sort of metaphor or secret code which it has not could be discovered yet. But, I have a clue: “It was to catch your attention and it worked extremely well.” Thinking about what I have written before? Maybe the question was not in the colour if not in the dress again? Think about it.

Well, as you can guess right since that day I am following on a way or other the Oscars. It is not a secret at all. However, I did not take well that Oscar decided to change his birthday party one month early. Now, I got it but on those times, it felt like if he was cheating on me. After all the time celebrating together in March our parties, then he decided to choose another day… That was not fair but I have overcome that. I have done it. Really. It is not a problem at all… Well, maybe, I DON’T KNOW! *Everybody loves to be dramatic and sensible when talks about their past. Why cannot I?*

Nominees for the 88th Oscars¨ at the Nominees Luncheon at the Beverly Hilton, Monday, February 8, 2016. The 88th Oscars¨, hosted by Chris Rock, will air on Sunday, February 28, live on ABC.

Nominees for the 88th Oscars¨ at the Nominees Luncheon at the Beverly Hilton, Monday, February 8, 2016. The 88th Oscars¨, hosted by Chris Rock, will air on Sunday, February 28, live on ABC.

In any case, I want to make a revelation to all my beloved audience and readers. Certainly, most of you know that all the Oscar Ceremonies have some sort of protocol for several parties, meetings, gifts… In special, there is one which is the most popular. It is called Oscar’s Luncheon and on there the nominees go, talk, they have some pictures, talk more, eat something, keep talking, talk a bit more and finally, they are all invited to group pictures when all of them pose. Those pictures are made for to keep as a “class year” historical portrait and for the rest of the world are a game: a mix between Where is Waldo? and Who is Who?

On this year, I have felt so depressed because I have not could find Meryl Streep. It feels weird one of this pictures without her BUT, my keen eye has found something which I wanted to share with the world. No, it is not that you ate macaroons and other chocolate frivolities for dessert. It is a mystery. A real mystery.

Now everybody, take the picture and zoom it, forget about the handsome guys and girls which pose and focus on the left corner of the picture, near Sir Ridley Scott. Have you got it? Good. Now, to who does it belong the brown shoe which shyly shows behind the curtain? Ta da… We can make a whole film with that.

Please, remember Academy Awards are tomorrow on ABC at evening, if you are in America… Do not miss it. Good luck to everybody and have fun. From here, on your behalf, we will keep guessing to who the shoe belongs, who was hidden behind the curtain and if it is some sort of conspiracy of any kind. Maybe a metaphor: the dress style.