A Lost Bullet

Somedays I feel like I am really trapped in other dimension to which I do not really belong at all. Somehow, everything is different of the ways they should be and I feel exhausting that I must explain from the beginning everything again. It is annoying actually but it is seems it is common in so many beings to imagine things where they are not.

I am going to be to the point. For some reasons which I prefer to unknown my holidays have been a mess. I only wished to go out of my dimension to can enjoy freely a cup of cappuccino and a sandwich at any coffee shop while I was reading on writing on my own notes. Just that, I did not asked for more fancies. And I could not. In fact, I have been surprised several times for strange people whom I do not know following me on some sorts of crazy ways. At the beginning, I wanted to think it was all for some sort of coincidence and this sort of bad vision a lot of people has because, you know… How many of you have been confused with DiCaprio, Anne Hathaway… Just things like that… Well, there is a very good actress called Emily Blunt in all the trains. I mean ALL. It is for that film called Girl on a Train from DreamWorks. And not sure if it is because the picture of her is a bit dark… Because Felicity Jones seemed to be at town or because Eva Green is releasing a film. I cannot even know if it is because my otter sight is so captivating and shocking that people becomes nuts. I do not know, really. I just know I left my sunglasses at home and people has tons of imagination. And I mean tons…

sea-otter-is-deep-in-thoughtIn case some of you do not know what it is an otter look. It is something that since I discovered Benedict Cumberbatch I have known that we share. It is not our fault really. It is something called genetics and we have those eyes which are like… And it seems we bewitch everybody just like otters do. Do not you believe an otter can bewitch you with a look? Alright, check this:

That is the otter look. None species can resist to it. And so sorry if someone does not understand it. I do not understand so many things or memes neither.

Anyway, I have been quite down and when that happens the musical devil inside of me wants to mess with… Just let’s leave it aside. Some people said that the problem is I do not know to break the rules and for that reason I do not know how to have fun. It is something which keeps repeating on my past since I was 15 years old or something alike. They told me I had to be nun and I always say: “F*** you” not because I have anything against the convents. Actually, I would not mind to disappear for a while at some of them at Nepal or Tibet. No, my problem with those place is it is not allowed to listen The Beatles or Mick Jagger. That is my real problem. I always have the same answer. From the very beginning when people at the Music School insisted to me that the ONLY music I should listen and play was the classical: Bach, Mozart… Beethoven was even modern… And I kept saying The Rolling Stones were quite classical too but it seems they are the devil or something. So do not give me lessons about to break the rules when I am already breaking them since I am 12 years old. Since then I had the mania and the habit to access to theatres for the kitchen or back door. And somehow I keep doing it and if not going out. Museums included. Main doors are not with me. And yes, it is me the one whom makes start that buzz some of those doors have. Also the one whom comes from the back street and from behind all the paparazzi are waiting to take pictures at a street market to someone in white suit. Sorry sir, if I had recognised you I had already warned you of what was waiting at the corner but I thought they would be fed with that distraction. And no, I am no one at all. Just in case you are wondering, inventing, dreaming… Just call it experience in other ways that some of you ever had. Because even if people like me just played an instrument, it seems the faculty of to be on stage is condition enough to everybody will think you are some sort of saviour, or… That question: “Have you seen me while you were playing?” And you are like: “Yeah, yeah, yeah… four row the one whom was moving her hands and taking pics. I have got it.” Isn’t it distracting? In special when people decides to use the camera flashes. And you are going to play something from a guy whom died hundred of years ago and then: “flash, flash, flash…” That’s the reason one memorises the musical sheet if not you cannot see at all the first notes because audience have leave you totally blind. There is no other reason about it. Oh dear… And somehow the naive of me believing filmmaking was going to be different…

So you say about to break the rules and I say: “Break them is to read Stephen King, borrowing from libraries, or so many other science fiction authors which were not allowed when the obligatory readings were Tirant lo Blanc, El Libro del Buen Amor or La Celestina.” Which let me make you a resume very quick. Those are the 50 Shades of Gray  of their times. Too bad one of them was written for Anonymous, on this times it would have been a best seller just to put that name on that sort of “metaphorical sexual allegory of the human pleasure and relationships”. And the same teachers allowing that saying The Green Mile or films like Scream would be too hard for teens like me. We do not even mention Gremlins or Nightmare at Elm Street, that’s too much darling. Like you cannot imagine. And Hitchcock… Wow! He was the antichrist himself. That sort of crimes… Definitely to break the rules in your world is not the same at all than in mine I think.

But do you know what? It is right. I agree, it is good to break the rules and to have some fun in time to time. So, instead of to pitch or to work on the traditional ways. I am going to share you something which I wrote past year. Those are the lyrics for a song which I wrote thinking on this refugee people and the problems.

When I was at Music School some teachers had a strange philosophy. It is something a musicologist has written and it seems it is a theory which says no one can write good music if they are not depressed. For that reason, they made us grown like depressed kids and if we asked to play something more modern they put us Flaubert and contemporary dissonant s… You know, this sort of super conceptual work in which a piccolo is mixed with a tuba or a horn and there is not any musical sense at all but one must make to the audience: “feel it” one must to “feel it to make the audience feel”. And then, they blame the kids because it seems the audience is not so cultural advanced that they have not understood anything about the piece was about. That’s real music art. Get away Kanye. You do not have idea of music because for the “real art” professors and teachers rap is some sort of atrocity. Maybe the problem is you do not use enough metaphors for their intellectual taste. Still, I keep believing on the simplicity meaning of the “F you teacher.” And to keep breaking the rules my own way. And to listen classical music like Jagger, McCarney or some other more contemporary folks, rappers included.

Well, this song I wrote was conceived in a bit minor tone. But if I put myself on the musical producer seat I tend to do quite classy things, like Brian Eno… You know, quite classical U2 too. Anyway, if someone has a better idea. Here it is. I just share it here. We break some rules about how the things should be done and we use all that breaking rules s*** for to help a bunch of kids whom really need it. That’s it. And if not. I honestly give a d*** about a bunch of things right now. So do not play with me more hide and seek because if not certain people will really know what it is to have dedicated melodies in all tunes, flats and notes. Contemporary understood or not.

A Lost Bullet

For the refugees and children lost in war.


A lost bullet hit the wall

It killed thousands

It killed none

Lads downfall


A kid playing on the desert fields

Running happy with his friends

The war comes, the conflict stares

Children run away, scared

They don’t have shields


Bombs fall down, Sonny gets a gun;

Younglings are fighters, in something no one comprehends

Is the right to kill people eternally fair?

Or is war the weapon to so many interests?


The sinner becomes a martyr

The good man loses his soul

The liar keeps lying

No one has the fault


To the young girl whom dreams to be a doctor,

To the boy whom wants to change the world,

To the future teacher, engineer, chemist or lord,

Everybody has a dream, everybody has one love

But a lost bullet kill them all.

Esther Lopez 2015/12/09

PS: And to set everything clear. All those years at the Music School suffering all of that to later, share my CV for to get a job and people will say that I am lying because it is impossible that I have been doing so much in all those time of my past. Or things like that… Because it seems everybody lies in our days and it is totally normal to give for granted someone whom have expended half of her life working/studying has done it too. So, no folks, do not try to get a job on the real world. They will put thousands of excuses for to do not hire you. And on our world “certain” folks will NEVER hire you but they will say all sort of things at the back, thinking all the females on this planet are stupid or something like that. That we only want fame or something and that we do not have idea to difference a jack from a VRT cable one. Make me a favour, and if you need a career bypass, a musical one or some help do not EVER call me or stalk me back.