Today, it is one of the most saddest days of the year. Today, several couples around the world join together in some sort of mating ritual to celebrate a death. Today, hundreds of years before this era Valentine died as martyr.
Probably you do not know why he died. His story it is not very clear but it is very tragic. It seems he was condemned to death. He was beaten with clubs and stones but he did not died. So, Claudius II ordered to behead the poor Valentine. Then, he finally died but not at all. It seemed that before his torture he sent a letter to the jailer’s daughter who who was suffering from blindness. The letter, made her recover her sight and it was signed at the end as “Your Valentine”.
Casualties of the destiny. The poor Valentine died in the middle of a pagan tradition called Lupercalia, which it was the festivity dedicated to Lupercus: a wolf god which it was the patron of shepherds. In his honor, a goose and a dog were sacrificed. It was also some sort of orgy celebration. However, I am going to let that my old friend Plutarch explain it to you better:
“Lupercalia, of which many write that it was anciently celebrated by shepherds, and has also some connection with the Arcadian Lycaea. At this time many of the noble youths and of the magistrates run up and down through the city naked, for sport and laughter striking those they meet with shaggy thongs. And many women of rank also purposely get in their way, and like children at school present their hands to be struck, believing that the pregnant will thus be helped in delivery, and the barren to pregnancy.”
Ok, now you now the boring basics. Time for the fun part because I am sure that most of you have not gotten the sarcasm…
I’m going to confess you something. I have always disliked Valentine’s Day. I think it is the most stupid festivity of the year. Seriously, why are people obsessed to get a “Valentine” one day at year if you could have the choice to have it 366 days each year? (Cheers up for the leap-years)
If somebody will give me the opportunity to choose between have an “unforgettable day” and to have somebody who will really care of me and who show me his affect each day of his life I will not doubt for an instance. Option two for sure and I think the common sense of the majority chooses the same option: two. So, why there is a bunch of people out there acting like whippersnappers? Of course, later they do not get what they were imagine in their heads and they become extremely depress. “OMG! What a cruel world. Do you know how hard it is to get back to reality?” Hold on, have you been in Matrix?
Sadly, I must to admit that I have heard that phrase about to come back to the reality in more than an occasion: literally. In special, after this dates or when people have come back from holidays. “What a strange world we live in…” said Alice to the Queen of Hearts. Alice was right, bloody right.
Probably most of you are thinking: “Ha! She’s the typical one who hates Valentine’s Day because she has never received nothing in this day.” No, dear, despite my way to express myself it is quirky and weird for some folks* and they consider me odd that does not make me foolish.
When I was 12 years old, my friends decided that we were grown up enough to have a boyfriend and to have a serious relationship. So, between them, they arranged to all of us a partner. That was one week before Valentine’s Day, so long ago. I remember that I gifted to my Valentine a watch. He gifted me a small bag not bigger than my hand with candies. I am weird, I do not like candies. The other girls took the bag and they ate the sweets. Next week, my friends told me that he had broken with me because our relationship could not work in the distance. That was my first Valentine.
Years later, I received a disgusting Valentine Card as a “fun game” for other girls on the high school. To try to make you understand it, this girls were the queen bee and her entourage. The letter was anonymous but their stupid laughs delated them. It was a mix between a very bad prose, porn and the bad imitation of the character of a fictional teenage boy obsessed with me and sex. Things like: “When I see you, my body feels like a volcano on the verge to enter in eruption…” Yes, pretty things like that. Of course, these girls did not had the same fun when I won the writing award of the high school for a fiction tale that I wrote but what I am going to do… It is me the one expresses wrong not them.
Since then, I have never thought about Valentine’s Day. Seriously, I did not. My first crush was Basil the Great Mouse Detective and I will never forget him. Sorry, folks, he left very high the battens.
I remember that when I was in that teen years everybody had a crush with Leonardo DiCaprio. It was for that tedious movie called Romeo+Juliet. After, it became Titanic and the global Leo addiction became worst. In special, I had a friend who had a very serious crush with Leo. She had her whole pencil case covered with pictures of Leo, and when I say WHOLE, I mean WHOLE. It was awkward. Each time that I looked at my left several Leos were looking at me with strange faces and deep sights. One day, I tried to draw to one of the Leos a mustache. She almost killed me for try to spoil and harm one Leo’s face with my pen. Creepy…
Anyway, Love is a dangerous thing. I know how it can disorder a mind. I have lived it in my own family. So, it is not that I run away from LOVE. It is that REAL LOVE it is very difficult to find. Furthermore, it is very weird that I find someone who I like. Let me explain this better.
Going back to my teen years. I had a friend, who sadly she is not my friend anymore but who I really miss most of the times. She was like a sister to me and she was one of the few people in this planet whom I could have great conversations. Unfortunately, some dreams are broken and with them people change and they do not want to be at your side anymore. We were just kids, but we both disliked Barbie dolls. Our main conversations were about horror movies and X-Files. Do you remember that television series? She wanted to be like Scully and I wanted to be ginger like I was born. Anyway, it was fun that time expended with her.
One day we were walking and we started to make a list of our “lovers”. I mean, all this famous people whom you use to have crushes. I said three: Brad Pitt, Ronan Keating and Michael J. Fox. Ok, I confess… maybe George Clooney too. In her list it was 112 people, all of them actors, singers…
What I pretend to say with this. It is that a lot of people confuses LOVE with admiration or sexual attraction but, in any case, that feeling it is not infatuation. It is normal meanwhile you are a teen and your hormones are making you experiment things but, after, you have a problem.
Anyway, do not take me as a reference or an example because I am very weird. Seriously, that I consider Brad Pitt handsome it does not mean that I want to have sex with him or to marry him. It is complicated to explain to most of you but I must see something in the brain. I have told you, Basil left very high the battens.
However, let’s go back to the main purpose of this compilation of words: LOVE, symbolism and Valentine’s Day. Well, it is not that I disliked this day but since 4 years ago, I hate it. I hate this corny day and all the days before. Why? Not because of me. Honestly, I have never cared about February 14th but, four years ago things changed.
The story is long, some of you already know it, so I am going with the short version. Somebody confused my persona with a famous bearded, hairy singer and his assistant. We both share the same initials but hey! Estée Lauder and Evangeline Lilly too. Please, go to mess with them.
Anyway, like I am tired to try to explain that I do not want to be involved in nothing related to Mars. I am not going to continue explaining it but some folks still coming to my site messing around and for that I hate this dates.
It was a year, I do not really remember exactly which one, but they made a concert in Paris on this date. You cannot imagine how many stupid messages of “lovers” I received about “Be my Valentine in Paris” and later, when he did not assisted to all that dates, the quantity of messages that I received, shouting me because I did not go to the date. Do you really want to know more about why I hate this dates? It is nuts but at least, it is almost over. So, I think, this year it has been more calm down than the past ones. Although, just in case, I repeat again: “I am not him and even less her secretary/ assistant… whatever she is. I do not care. I will eat alive the next one who will suggest something about it. Clear?”
I think, most of these folks have confused to LOVE him with the sense of admiration that I have mentioned you before. Probably, most of them, they have also confused the desire or lust for his body with his LOVE. However, I am not psychologist I have only studied psychology as a part of the narrative aka storytelling. Nothing else, so I am not going to tell you who is in love with WHO and who is not. I let that up to you but, please, let me aside of your love affairs. They are not interesting at all.
Usually, when somebody develop an infatuation for someone. They find in their heads a bunch of reasons about why this person it is the right for them. It happens the same, but inverse, when somebody thinks the other person it is not the adequate. I live for create stories and characters. I know a bit about this human defects.
For this reason, I think it is much better to test. Honestly, I love to scare Valentine’s with my Wednesday style. Ok, sometimes I am not so creepy but I could be. I am using this method since I remember the boys started to approach with THAT intentions. It works. If you want to rid away somebody, girls, just start to talk about babies, family or test them in the kitchen. It never fails.
However, do not think I hate man. In fact, when I was young I had more conversations with boys than girls. I was a bit tomboy. They called me lesbian for that but the other day they called me moll just for wear my solitaire ring and talk about when I was in Hollywood. So, who cares?
Anyway, ladies, have you noticed that when a man has a crush he never says “I’m in love with…”? They tend to say, that girl is hot, they want to have sex with her… But most of them do not use the word love. Why? Because it is different. To really love someone requires time. It is not a Valentine’s perfect date in which you have sex and: “OMG, it is the best that has happened to me in my whole life.”
To love someone it is to clean his/her shit almost all the days of your life and stand side to side, for the good and for the bad. Unfortunately, life has more bad than good but that is to really love someone. The rest it is all bullshit.
“Oh, I had a dream I was with him having a very romantic dinner and he later touched me and we made very wild sex on the couch. Then, we went out and we enjoyed being together. He held my hand and suddenly some paparazzi approached to us and we run…” Lovely, so you did not take a shower after the wild copulation. I cannot imagine how you could smell, better I do not think about it and I keep in doubt. Are the dishes still on the table or your imaginary maid has cleaned them for you?
See? That was only an example of what some people creates in their heads but that is not real. When you try your ideal world became a reality it is when couples tend to break up.
Do you want to know when this celebration of the Valentine Cards and all that stuff started? It was in the 18th century. In that times marriages were arranged. In fact, it stills like that in our days in some countries.
The problem with that deals it was that they did not have in mind the behavior of each subject in the couple. It was only pure economical interests. For that reason, the parents tried to marry the girls when they were still teens. Using that method and marrying them with a men older than the girl, they attributed the experience of the men as wisdom and the lack of understanding in the girls as “you need maturity”. If the woman did not feel happy with her husband it was because she was not mature enough to understand him or his necessities. In the other hand, he acted as a father/protective figure that she should respect. Love was not contemplated at all because it was in the common culture that LOVE it is not a feeling. To love it was to be with a person all your life bearing all kind of behaviors and manias.
However, in that ages, they really know about to FALL IN LOVE which it is very different. It was considered an illness, like a fever. You can call it Bieber fever if you want it. It tends to pass like a fashion trend but it does not stand for long.
Like it was a moment in which there was a bunch of women not-satisfied with their husbands. A genius decided to incorporate this old myths about St. Valentine and Lupercalia and create a new festivity in which, it did not matter if you hate your wife or husband you must show some love and respect to the other.
They took one of St. Valentine symbols: the roses, and they transformed in the special flower as a declaration of love. The birds start to mate in this time so they used that symbol too. And, for excellence, they took that legend about the last Valentine’s letter and they transformed it in the official “Love declaration format of these dates”. Do you want to know more about to date someone in that times?
Well, girls, you cannot wear white clothes if you are not virgin. Sorry ladies, that trend it is not for a bunch of you. Umbrellas and hats mean that you have social status because not everybody could afford a hat or an umbrella. Most of the times, when a girl walked with an umbrella in a sunny day it was not only for protect her skin. She was saying that she came from a wealthy family. Black dresses, were saying that you are a widow, or you are not virgin. In any case, it was a visual symbolism that you were ready to have another mate. Usually, prostitutes wore that color, until it became a widowed symbol and the molls started to wear bright colors.
As you see, in the end, it is the same that the animals do in the wild for mating. We use clothes and they use their feathers or fur, but it is the same. In fact, some men fight for girls like harts do…
And about the diamond… Why you should buy one? Well, like this arranges started to do not be a safety “investment”. In part, because: men lie, they have affairs, they are sinners, who is going to save his soul… Please, feel the tragedy of that times… Women started to say: “Ok, I am going to marry with you but if you suddenly decide that I am not good for you. You are going to dump me out of the house with our children. So I want something, in exchange of my services, that will assure my economical situation in case that you do not want to be with me anymore.” And here it comes the ring with the diamond on it. It was not only a sign of engagement, if not, an very valuable object which it could save for economical difficulties on the future.
So yes, ladies, if you are not sure about the loyalty of your partner or “rock-star lover” ask for diamonds and gold. They always revalue in the market and this is a fact since the middle of the 18th century. To know history is wisdom.
In other hand, if you still preferring to have a crush with each man which cross your path: “OMG. Ian Somerhalder… You are so sexy. I wish to crash with him when I get out of the Starbucks and we both have a crush and we fall in love to each other…”
You can do it. In our days, people change lover as they do with clothes but it is accepted. So keep on it if you want, but do not dream with “be happy your whole life” because that it is not compatible. That is not LOVE neither it is to have STYLE. When somebody has STYLE it does not matter if he/she wears brands or not. It does not matter if they are wearing the last line from a clothing store or not. LOVE and STYLE are not about trends or crushes. They are about to show who you are and to be loyal to it. Call it as you prefer, but most of the people out there are not loyal even to themselves. So, how is the majority of the world going to speak about LOVE or STYLE to others? Let, them talk. What they say, even if it is about you. It is not your business.
Love died long ago in the place and era where Shakespeare took his inspiration to write Romeo and Juliet.
Rest in Peace: Saint Valentine.
*(even in my mother language which it is not english)