Chicken Livers

Welcome, my guests, to another monthly invitation to prepare a recipe. I know most of you will not approve what I am going to propose you this week but once you try it you become addicted to it. As my good friend the Dr. Hannibal Lecter would say: “A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.”

Well, my survival instincts do not arrive until prepare cannibalistic recipes but do not tempt the luck. I am sure this recipe will be good with some human liver on it: “Omnomnomnom”.

Chicken Livers

Ingredients: (For a 1 very hungry Hannibal or 2 not hungry Lecters)

– 250gr chicken livers

2 big onions

1 garlic clove

Preparation:

1. You have two options here: A. Be polite and invite the chickens to drink chianti before to eat them; B. Keep the chianti for you and do not waste it. In any case this recipe is good. French style but good.

2. Take a pan and add the olive oil to it. Please do not use the pan to kill the chickens. It would be messy. Find another method to do it with style and if you can, without even stain your suits and gowns.

3. Cut the onions and the garlic clove. Chop everything finely. Add it to the pan and cook it slow. Very slow. You want the onion get caramelized with their own flavors and sugars. You do not want that it get burn, it tastes bitter after and it is not good.

4. Meanwhile the onion is on heat -you can cover it with a lid-. Clean the livers. They are bloody messy and they tend to be bitter too if you do not clean well the bile. Lukewarm water running will be enough to this step but when you will finish please dry them very well using paper towels or, in the next step you are going to find yourself in a huge mess.

5. If the onion stills a bit tender do not worry. It is going to get finished with the livers. Add this organs to the pan. Put a lid and let them cook slow. You can add here the glass of the chianti if you want. It gives other taste to the sauce. Personally, I prefer without out it. If you have not dried well the livers you will notice it know because they are going to start to splash heated oil and onions everywhere. So, please, be careful with this because they can make a very huge mess.

6. After 5 or 6 minutes cooking, flip them to the other side and continue with the process between 5-20 minutes more. They will be ready in around 10 minutes of slow cook but I like them very well done. It is a bit of personal taste. You know, like the steak some people like it juice and others like it crunchy. I like a middle term but this is up to you. Please, feel free to eat them with pleasure when you will finish with them. Good luck.

The Otters

I know what some folks are going to tell me: that in real, otters are not so cute and they rape baby seals. Yeah, I know I am studying otters for long. Some rude folks have also tell me similar thinks about lions too. I do not know, they leave this messages like if I am some kind of idiot which never worried to read about the animal…

However, talking about different species I would like to let clear one thing: humans are the only ones who lie. Or have you seen any bird or mammal painting his feathers or fur of other color for seduce a female? No, darlings, it does not work this way.

Not creature is perfect. Everybody has a flaw or other and, in fact, inside of the same species there can be several “black sheep” which can make a whole group of creatures to have a tag which does not really correspond to them. Humans, by nature, are specialist on this. Not only in to put tags. Or isn’t true, darlings, that humans also rape? In fact, our species are more cruel and they do not need to make physical abuse or to attack to harm others but, I like to leave aside bad vibes.

I like to write things for kids of all ages, my non-brother brother knows why. I am not sure if the rest of you could understand my reasons if I explain them. Probably, I will be misunderstood again. So better I do not explain anything.

I must confess I am having a lot of fun writing about otters but I was quite shocked in my researches because Benedict Cumberbatch almost showed up in each research. It was quite insane, actually, but more because I have not seen a bunch of his work. Seriously, it is quite shocking. I am not sure where all this otter thing with Cumberbatch comes from but, honestly, I finished a bit tired of it. For this reason, in the final manuscript (this is only a sneak peek) you are not going to find any otter called Ben BUT I had to put my mischief touch in his honor. Sorry Smaug, you have a nice voice. I do not doubt about your talent but, it was so fun in all this otter world to ignore it.

I hope any of you start to fall in love. Of otters, yes. Please, if you want, it is a good reason to preserve the species. I mean, with “fall in love”, to do not start to look for metaphors about which otter represents who. They are just otters and they have come to my head as they have done smoosch or murlfs but they do not always represent someone or a relationship. And I am making this warning because it is not the first time that I publish something and somebody sees the whole story as a “love declaration” of any kind. I simply write. If you want to look for “secret” meanings it is up to you.

Have fun kids. Peace and Love (PAL)

Otter readies for to listens otter stories. Picture free wallpaper.

Otter readies for to listens otter stories. Picture free wallpaper.

The Otters

Far away of the limits of Eronath, when the borders of the O’neya Cape abruptly converged with the Sian Cliff, there was a place that not a lot of humans dared to see.

The Naldian Mountains were one of the ranges more difficult to cross on the whole Ambrosia. The other mountains from the limit side were very high and abrupt too but nothing could be compared with the magnificence of the Naldian’s. These peaks separated the main human and Nùmenir Kingdoms from the Other Lands. Or, how the strange creatures which lived in this big territory called: “The Otter Lands”.

Nobody knows with exactitude why life was created so wild to the other side of these peaks. Although, they were written some old legends about why humans or Nùmenir could not cross the Middle Side, none explained the origins of them; but, in fact, no one really cared so much about what happened in the other side; except, of course, to the ones who lived there.

The only pass to enter to the Otter Lands was cursed. It was the path to the Castle of Glass, close to the Oakwood Forest and to the limits of the Sh’eg’nïya. However, as it has been told, nobody in their right mind approached near those places. Probably, because everybody appreciated so much their existence.

The Otter Lands were coarse and rich, but they had a bit of madness in everything. Wild things happened here and there without so much explanation. For this reason, most creatures avoided to explore these lands without contemplation.

Next to the Sian Cliff, the coast continued in the Otter Sea. On there, things did not happened following the ordinary rules. To start, if anybody tried to catch a fish, probably, the fish had insulted the fishermen. Well, in fact, it had depended of the fish species because some were more rude than others.

In other hand, if you, suddenly, find yourself lost on those lands and you would like some fish to eat, let the job to and otter. They are the best for to do this kind of things. In exchange, and as and act of gratitude, they will only ask you for a paw shake or a fur hug; but, take care with this last one, you could finish soggy and mushy as a murlf.

The finest thing about otters behavior is they do not have behavior at all. They do not have jobs or to wake up at 5 a.m, when an alarm clock sounds. They do not read newspapers because, obviously, they get wet and it is impossible to read them that way. They do not need to go out simply because is Saturday or Friday night but, above all, they do not need to explain to others what an otter does because it is an “otter thing” and, with that, they resolve everything.

The unique responsibility an otter has it is with the otter and with no one else on the sea, river or land. Of course, this does not mean otters are not helpful and handy if you require their assistance. Although, they are not really obliged to attend you for any moral code or doctrine like happens with other species.

However, there is a huge difference between sea otters and river otters, please, let me explain: none of them are called by a name. They are not nameless but they do not feel the necessity to put ordinary names to everybody to be called. Current names as: Alice, Mary, Ben or Harry are not in the otter name’s style. Sea otters prefer something more meaningful as: “White Spot”, “Cuttie Nose”, “Flurry” or “Frisky”. In otter paw, river otters are quite formal. Probably, because they use to treat more with civilized species as marmots, rabbits or squirrels. For this reason, they use to name themselves with a number or a letter. In fact, this depends of the day they are having.

Otters are pacific by nature. They love to enjoy their time in water, grooming their fur, eating, playing and enjoying time with otters. Unfortunately, trouble follows them and they usually find themselves in the middle of chaos and madness. There are several stories written at respect about otter problems but, right now, it is not a good moment to tell them.

As they expend so much time in water, sometimes, they forget they are mammals and not fishes. The Tale of Boggy is the one which narrates that story. For this reason, the Otter Council celebrated on the year 506 of the first age, Nùmenorian time, decided it was obligatory each otter carried always with them a stone. So, in case any of them could doubt about if they are fish or not, they could have a real thing which always will remember them where they come from.

A difference of other species, otters recognize their significant otter or mate not only with a sight. It is well know a lot of otters need glasses but they cannot use them because on water those artifacts do not work right. They identify their partners meanwhile they are “ottering” in their daily life. A lot of species cannot understand this. It is true, but and otter has not only been born otter for confuse you. They are here to share with all of us their eternal love. And to be the keepers or guardians of something untold. Because if they had named  that sacred find most of the world would be interested on it. And it will not be peace until somebody will find it on the sea or land. Not all the creatures in Ambrosia are natural wardens of the calm.

Whiskers Finds an Otter

“Oh Noes!” exclaimed  Whiskers approaching his paws to his face. “Wher’a ther’all?” He had woken up from a delightful dream. He was eating the most delicious sea urchins that he had never tasted, and they, never ran out. Magically, it came out a new sea urchin on the spot he had picked up the last one. He did not even needed to swim to catch them. And each sea urchin was more delicious than the one he had eaten before.

Now, he was on the middle of the open sea and nobody was around. He had drifted away and now he was lost. Probably, he did not attached right the kelp to his body? No, he was sure he had done it well. In fact, he had over his head a remaining seaweed dripping on his nose. He removed it and he noticed there were several more tiny pieces stuck to his hair and floating around the water.

“Thes is not a surprises party…” said Whiskers worried. He put his paws around his mouth and he screamed. “Wher’a you all!” Nobody answered him. He was definitely alone. “A’right, otter, time to applies the Otter Emergency Protocol.”

The Otter Emergency Protocol was a series of rules each otter needed to learn by heart. They were imposed by the Otter Council as a law for every single otter on sea, river or land but they were not only an obligatory measure. They were, in fact, a survival series of procedures which guaranteed any otter could be alive in difficult cases like: attacks, poisoning, lack of warmth or drifts. The OEP norms were very simple but useful. They had been tested for otters along the years. Actually, they were more a warranty of surviving than a series of rules. The OEP said:

  1. Check yours furs. No holes, no bloods, no mess. Must be fluffy and full of airs.

  2. Hurries! A lot to does. Be quick or troubles will find youes.

  3. Makes a splash and eats away. Thes will keeps troubles in theirs way. Not in otter way.

  4. Ask an otter or anotter.

  5. Check yours pockets and reachs for yours stars. It will tells youes where is your hearths.

  6. Swims and dances. It is what otters knows to does bestes.

Whiskers looked around again. It was not any sign of life around him. Definitely, he has drifted away. It had arrived the time to apply the OEP.

He checked his fur. Everything seemed okay. He looked around again but nothing was there: not a soul, a bird or a piece of land. It was time to go down   to eat and to ask.

He dived on the cold waters but they were quite lonely. Whiskers was not sure of what happened but it seemed like if everybody was disappeared. His heart skipped a bit. For a moment he thought the evil Nimphadora has just cursed him with one of her spells.

He kept dancing and swimming until he found some broken pieces of kelp. Then, he knew it was the same kind in which he was attached himself. “My starts! Otter is closes!” Suddenly, he felt happy and full of hope. So, he kept dancing and swimming following the traces of lost kelp which were scattered all around.

Whiskers advanced and advanced in the sea, until he arrived to a point in which kelps covered almost everything. It was practically impossible to see the sea. They were only thick groups of seaweed around him but it was impossible to see any land near. What could had happened on home to have done all that mess? Definitely that really worried Whiskers thinking about where otters could be. Have been they drifted away too? or Nimphadora killed them? No, it was sad to think that way.

He moved his paw and he found his secret pocket until he reached his star again. To him, it was the most beautiful rock on earth and it was the one which was helping him to find his way.

Suddenly, a group of kelp near him moved in a strange way. Whiskers was scared, but, like he was touching his star, it gave to him the courage that he needed to overcome anything. He warned against any trouble and he took his paws outside the water ready to punch, grab and to bite.

A splash of water make him more wet than he was, leaving him partially blind. He only heard a strident girlish voice: “ARSGRS! I’M GOING TO EATS YOUES!”

Whiskers splashed water and pieces of kelp over her face letting her blind. He had, partially, recovered his sight but it was enough to watch her trying to  clear herself so quick as she could. “No. Otter doesn’t eats otter.” Said he.

She removed quick the big junk of seaweed which covered her eyes and she tried to focus in him quick. It was hard to see him but it was clear he was an otter too and not another thing. “Sorries, I guesses youes trouble and no otter.”

“Ha, ha, ha, ha, do youes guesses youes can scares otter screaming likes that?” said Whiskers amused.

“It has worked with a pengwing…” said her a bit ashamed.

She had a sweet voice when she did not scream. It remembered him the sweet voice of his mother when she sang for him otter lullabies. She also had a small nose with a very roundish shape to be an otter but he did not recognize her from his raft. He asked her: “What’s yours otter names?”

“Otters calls otter Cutie Nose. And youes?”

“Otter is Whiskers. Good to meets youes otter. Haves youes drifted toes?”

“Otter is afraid. It seems all otters are far away. What happened?”

“Not sure, otter, but we, otters, will finds our way. Haves youes reached yours star yet?”

Cutie Nose put her paw in her forehead. “My pockets! Otter forgots abouts! Here was so much troubles around.”

“It’s okay, my otter, youes can do it nows. Otter will keeps the eyes open for youes.”

The Gym Attraction

Which is the fascination with gyms? Why is everybody so obsessed to go to them? To shape their bodies? To be stronger? To be fit? Honestly, I was once in a gym… and it was horrible. Seriously, it was.

I was just a kid when my parents decided I needed to have extra-school classes. They decided, martial arts would be good for me. Unfortunately, my sensei was not so cool as sensei Miyagi. He was more like into the “Cobra Kai” discipline, which means, that with only six/seven years old he wanted: we could break pieces of wood hitting them with our bare hands or with a kick. Do you know these films with Van Damme and Lundgren? Well, they have really affected some heads…

We had also to “avoid” the wooden brick. It is a nice game to learn if you think about it. Sensei knots a brick of wood on one rope extreme. He starts to spin, slowly first, meanwhile all the kids are around him jumping each time the brick passes. The problem to this game is that sensei starts spin faster and, sometimes, he moves the rope upwards to check our reflexes and to see if we know the differences between to jump or to duck. It was like that… I must recognize I was never hit on the “spinning wooden brick game” but I have not could break one piece of wood with my bare hands neither. However, I could kick some asses in the fight club. After all, Brad Pitt was not real… Oopsie… (spoilers alert).

Thanks, Lord, my grandma saved me of that madness saying: “Girls, shouldn’t fight!” I was agree then… very agree. Please, understand my granny. She has grown up with the “Umbrella Girl” mentality. It was other times… Anyway, I really agreed her argument in that times. Maybe if sensei used Miyagi methods or Jacky Chan ones I would not have mind to keep with my martian arts teachings, but with that guy…

Anyway, I have always been a bit Luna Lovegood girl but with Hermione hair and common sense. I wanted to go to ballet and my family did not let me because I was “too big” to be a dancer and “dancers are anorexic”… Oh, come on! I am pacifist: flower power style. Why does my family decided to enroll me in the martial arts? Because I needed to be stronger… Maybe, Van Damme style? Hey! He dances too

Sylvester Stallone in Rocky Balboa. Picture courtesy Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

Sylvester Stallone in Rocky Balboa. Picture courtesy Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

After that, I have not stepped inside any other gym in my whole life. Seriously, folks, how can you do it? That machines seem to have been took from the the torturing times of inquisition to take you off: the sweat, blood and hope. It is like: (Coach: Screaming) “Do you believe?” And the poor folk with the tongue out trying to breathe without almost cannot say a word: “Believe. In what?” (Coach: Screaming): “In the f* cult to body?” The poor folk opens his eyes like dishes like saying “WHAT?!” (Coach): “If you don’t believe you’ll never made it! 100 abdominals more!” See? It is the modern inquisition… You need to believe and if not… torture.

However, with the years, my perspective about the gyms have changed considerably. It was in college when I discovered the true attraction gyms have. And, no, I did not step inside one.

It was a normal evening when suddenly my phone rang. It was a guy from a gym offering me the offer of the century on gym subscriptions. The problem to this weird call was the gym was located 40 kilometers far away from my home so it was impossible that was a local offer.

Keeping the conversation with the folk I discovered one of my college partners had given my phone number to her gym. It seemed if she shared the information and I joined, she would have a discount on her membership. I do not blame her. Who does not want a discount? Although, like I said: “No”. This gym conversation did not finished then.

Each time I went to college, “my friends” remembered me how fabulous it is the gym world. Saying to me: “It is good to make exercise. You should do it… Blah, blah, blah”. Like I am so evil, instead of join them, I downloaded a yoga podcast and I made my workout in home but I did not told them nothing about the yoga. To them, I was doing nothing.

After months of gym conversations I discovered the true meaning of a gym. Which, in most cases, it is to pay a membership to go the first days and after a month of so… just put a bunch of excuses like: “Today I feel down. I’m not going”, “I’ve the monthlies. Not going”, “It’s raining…”, “Not a cool outfit to go…”, “I think my gym crush is trying to flirt with other. Today, as revenge, I don’t go”… And the story goes on.

Sylvester Stallone in Rocky Balboa. Picture courtesy Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

Sylvester Stallone in Rocky Balboa. Picture courtesy Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

Because it is true. Most of the people does not really go to gyms to be fit. They go to flirt. Come on! Do not tell me you did not know! It is a global human being behavior! Do you know some birds have colorful feathers to attract the females? Well, we humans have gyms and men have the six pack or chocolate tablet. Not sure how you really call it… Even, Darwin knew it! Our species, in special: females, are addicted in majority to chocolate. It is all explained in books! You only need to know how to read them right!

Luckily, for me, chocolate was never one of my favorites but I understand there are females which became insane with that flavor and smell.

Smell… Yes, that too. Because what I remember is gyms smelled pretty bad actually. In special, after certain workout classes; but everything is subjective I guess. Actually, I do not really know…

However, it is really shocking how the body cult can affect to certain brains depending of the place were they are located. And, with this, I travel to Los Angeles, of course.

I have told you of the handicap of to have been born in Spain. Do you know that to a person like me it is not so easy to rent an apartment or to become a roommate? No, it is not. Each time I say where I come from I usually get pushed away and, precisely, in not very politely way.

First time I lived in Los Angeles I had to make a notarial paper from the bank saying that I had enough cash to pay more than ten months of an Oakwood rent and I also needed a paper from the film school saying they were “responsible” for me. And you can think this only happens if I try to rent this kind of apartments but, actually, it happens in everything.

The last time I tried to rent a room in that city. I did not had an answer of more than ten places and, finally, I finished with a woman sharing apartment and I had to make several Skype and email sessions with her before she said: “Yes.” And, only, because I had the whim to see the Rebus exhibition by James Jean and to stay a bit longer on the city to try to make films with my “friends” whom were constantly saying: “Come back I miss you. When are we going to make a films?”

Anyway, after have compared both kind of experiences. To live in a kind of Oakwood apartments it is quite expensive but in long term it is far better for my health. At least, there is security, and if there is any issue in the apartment a nice guy comes and he fixes it. The only that I dislike are carpet floors and to have to go to make laundry outside to my apartment but I cannot have it all.

The case is, when I was in the filmmaking school I was not the only one who lived in these kind of apartments: which have gym, pool, jacuzzi… Very fancy… There was a bunch of folks in the same conditions than I. Some of them were living on the same kind of apartments which are to the opposite side of Universal Studios. I mean, if Oakwood is on right of the theme park on a map. The ones which I am talking are at left.

Sylvester Stallone in Rocky Balboa. Picture courtesy Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

Sylvester Stallone in Rocky Balboa. Picture courtesy Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

Fancy that! I discovered that the apartments on the left side were famous because they had some myths about who had been living there for certain time. Whatever… The important here is the gym.

I did not go to check it but a bunch of folks did. You cannot imagine the conversations after filmmaking class about nutrition, to stay fit, how to get the six pack, nice pectorals to impress the girls… Boys, you are all very cocky with these themes… And later, you start to compete to get the girls… Tk, tk, tk. What a very, bad, boys…

BUT, do not think girls are an exception… It is truth they do not want to get the six pack. Well, they do not want to get it in their bodies… I mean, sculpted in their bodies. What were you thinking, dirty birdies? Although, they want to have a perfect: booty, flat belly, big boobs… And the story goes on… Yes, again. Because, at the end, it is all about the same: insecurities.

“I want this…”, “I want that…”, “I need this…”, “I need that…” because sometimes we think having that things -even if they are physical changes- we are going to get what we want but it does not really work like that. Trust me, I copied Cate Blanchett short hair once inspired by her and by Keira Knightley in Domino. It is not so cool, you must to be each two weeks on the hair dresser! But, it really caused the shocking rebel effect I was looking for. Everybody, leaving their hair long for the graduation dinner ball on college and I perfectly kick ass style. David, sing for me: “Rebel Rebel, you’ve torn your dress…” Have not I told you I also wore fake leather leggings before they were a fashion trend? Yes, when I was on music school last years between 15-18 I loved Aerosmith. So I was a kind of a “Crazy” girl like Liv Tyler, but only dressing like that… some times. My manners are not so wild.

Do not worry, I also know how to copy icon styles. I am not so weird, after all… OMG! I have just seen the new trailer of Ricki and The Flash. I have the same green lace dress that Meryl Streep wears. We are going to be matching sisters. I know it. It’s a sign…

Sylvester Stallone in Rocky Balboa. Picture courtesy Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

Sylvester Stallone in Rocky Balboa. Picture courtesy Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

What was I saying? Oh, yeah. Styles… Not Harry. Only styles… Look, anybody has the right to wear what he/she wants. It does not matter if it is for to look cooler or to try to attract the other sex. However, when you start to put your body in the equation that scares me a bit. To go to the gym and to make some lifts it is a thing, but I have heard so many conversations about the easy step: surgery. You cannot imagine in how many talks in which I have been the theme: “get more boobs” has shown up. It is like: “an obsession”, in which for to have a partner you need to have more breast. Insane, but it is how people thinks.

In Los Angeles, I have heard all kind of non-respectful stories about why some people have not get the role. Most of them, were based in some arbitrary things like: the body or “you have a funny face” for this dramatic role… Random things like that. The most sad part is most of this “criticism” did not come from directors or producers, if not they were between actors. And do you know why people do that, don’t you? Imagine if I am evil that I made an open casting and a boy came. He told me, he had not said nothing about that opportunity to any of their class mates because if he had done it, he would had less chances to get the role. In that moment, I made an X next to his name as a remember of not to book him but I let him to perform. What am I trying to tell you with this? The problem, most of the times, it is not on the body. The problem is on the aptitude you have.

Obviously, if you want to flirt with others, a gym is a good place to start but, do not think that just for to go you are going to get what you want.

One of my “friends”, an actor, whom looked like Jonah Hill when I met him, wanted to be the kind of “movie star” which makes Stallone movies. He, really, took it seriously. He lost a bunch of weight, he went to training: run, martial arts… He is working on Disneyland as one of the characters. Maybe, one day, I will see him in an action movie. Despite we are not “friends” anymore I am glad people improve their lives and they make their dreams come true. However, it is what I am telling you: it all about aptitude. Have that always present in your mind.

And, why am I babbling all this silly things about gyms? Well, one of my “followers” is a non-born american girl who is trying to make her best in Hollywood. Her english is quite confusing sometimes, but she really have the dream to meet me and to meet her idols all together in a gym. Unfortunately, I think most of your idols also prefer to train in home as I do; but maybe, with a bit of luck you can find Dwanye Johnson. I do not follow him but I have heard he is always posting pictures of he training. If not, go to the Venice Gym, you probably will find Danny Trejo. I know that. It is true. Some of my film school partners found him there and they shot a funny video with him. He did not even asked them for nothing.

So, please, folks. Do not pay a gym subscription only for to try to meet people. Even more, if you cannot barely afford it, ok? The same training, you can do it in your home. You only need discipline, alright? But if you want to find a mate, go for it. It is a good place to start.

More physical and styling issues… Clothes are for to play with them, like hairstyles. You can try several, be radical and experiment as much as you want. If you feel comfy with one style keep with it and do not let nobody will tell you: “You must change” because that is not true.

I will tell you a bit scary story about “fame” or “success” in Hollywood. In the same filmmaking school that I assisted they were giving acting classes too. Most of the people there, were concern because when you came from outside of the States, to learn in a expensive school like that, people is scared that their “time” will pass. Which means, they feel: if they are not “discovered” meanwhile they are there, they are never going to be. For this reason, people, in special actors/actresses, get in despair and they try a bunch of stupid things.

Sylvester Stallone in Rocky Balboa. Picture courtesy Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

Sylvester Stallone in Rocky Balboa. Picture courtesy Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

I remember the conversation some actresses were having about a party in the Playboy mansion. They even called to the number provided but they went scared when the person who picked the phone told them: “To assist to this exclusive parties it is needed a casting”. Obviously, girls, it is the Playboy mansion… What were you expecting? They want model like girls and not “any shape” but that, it is not a motive enough to start to think in surgery. Or maybe yes? It depends what kind of actress you want to be… However, after, do not blame the casting director because he/she did not selected you for the role, ok? And I am not talking about the castings on Playboy.

Others, of those actresses, have married with wealthy man. Not sure where they met them but they did. In other hand, I have not heard their name in any movie or television series neither but, they are married…

See? Everything depends of what you really want and to fight for it, as Rocky, but do not let nobody will change your mind and make insecure you about anything, ok? Be comfy on your own skin. It is the best gift you have received.

Last Longer, Much Longer

Packaging gift courtesy Procter & Gamble

Packaging gift courtesy Procter & Gamble

I think a lot of you already know Duracell and its iconic bunny but as a marketing expert, history freak and filmmaker I have thought it is best not only to talk to you about the product if not about the rabbit evolution. Yes, “evolution” and I do not only mean to the real toy towards the new 3D versions.

Because, at the begging of the battery times, when we were kids batteries really suck. I mean, you could not play more than an afternoon with that carbon batteries! Common! And today kids get mad because they have been all the day playing to the portable Nintendo and they have forgotten to recharge it…

Then, it arrived the magical rabbit and everything changed. It really lasted longer, depending of the toy. If you did not used so much you can even play for days with the same batteries. I even remember there was a crazy promotion in which Duracell gave for free that bunny toys.

After, it started a tech revolution and the market needed to put their batteries on: literally. The arriving of cell phones made possible the development of rechargeable batteries. Because, let’s going to be honest: Who would like a phone which needed a constant use of current batteries to have a simple conversation? It is worst than when the phone operator tells you: “Your credit is going to expire…” but without warning.

Duracell was the innovation in the market using Zinc and not Carbon for their batteries. Soon, other brands copied the system but none of them knew the secret to make their bunnies climb mountains and to keep going with their challenges.

However, like it is easier to discard the batteries than check if the product is working well and due to the high rivalry on the energy storage sector. Procter and Gamble, company which owns Duracell brand, innovated again the long lasting battery race. Thanks to a tool so simple as the PowerCheck: system which permits us to know the charge of our batteries. Normal rabbits beat again… (Pst… The Aussie accent is so funny. Love you Aussies)

Alright, I cannot write in Aussie accent but the “Super heavy duty”… Lovely. Anyway, do you want to know which is the real secret of Duracell? Why these batteries can make your Furby keep dancing for longer?

It is for the Duralock Power Preserve TM system which keeps the zinc sealed. This not only means a Duracell battery lasts 10 times more than others. They can also be 10 years without to be used and without lose their charge. Fascinating inventions, do not you think?

Well, I think you have seen the visual evolution of the commercials too. Honestly, I liked the ones in which the toys climbed mountains and make races but that is my inner child side which is quite old fashion for this new times.

Although, to the ones which are concerned with the environment. Yes, it is true. One battery can pollute until 3.000 liters of water. For this reason, it is our responsibility to teach our children to dump them in the right facilities which you can find in your local stores or supermarkets.

Duracell and P&G are also worried about the nature. For this reason, they make the packages of the batteries with a 85% of recycled cardboard and a 30% of recycled plastic.

I hope you have enjoyed this new edition of Hi!Story. Maybe you are not really interested in all this battery stuff but sometimes it is good to learn even if it is from the iconic symbol of a brand. After all, what they are saying in their commercials is: “Whatever it happens. Keep going.”

The Bad Habit Of The Theory of to Do not Do Nothing

Felicity Jones and Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything. Picture courtesy Focus Features.

Felicity Jones and Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything. Picture courtesy Focus Features.

If we could wind the clock back… Towards the origins of the universe. Towards the origins of everything…

What do you think it happened at the beginning of the times…? Of the universe…? An explosion: the Big Bang? Which was the first spark which lighted the life? We do not know. Because we can only know the things which have been preserved in a writing form. We can only know the stories they have told us. We can only interpret the symbols written on the old walls… On the Universe… On the land…

Everybody has been born with curiosity to learn things. Everybody, has been born with the capacity to learn, to dream, to breathe… But not everybody seems ready to discover more. No because they are not prepared to do it. If not, because they do not want to do it.

It is fascinating the capacity people have to dream and to wish things. However, most of the human beings lack of the spark which it is necessary to make that dreams come true, but… I am not talking about big things. Unfortunately, I have met a lot of people in my life who wishes a lot of things but whom they do not do nothing to do it. And, I remark the nothing because it is really important.

Some people, wish to have a ‘better’ life because they are not satisfied with their actual lifestyle. They think, life would be easier to them if they could have: a better job, more income, more free time… Although, in fact, the solution to their problems or wishes it is nothing about this.

The solution to their problems is they do not try to change. Small improvements require drastic changes. If you want a prove of this, simply remember that times you wanted to make a reform in your house BUT in special in your kitchen. You only wanted a new fancy one, to see it beautiful. You go to the store and you say: “I want this”. Then, the builders come: they destroy everything. After, there is a problem with the pipes, the gas, the electric cables and some boggarts. Maybe you had a nest of Wrackspurts in your ears too. It can pass one week to two until to have your new kitchen as you wished and it only requires one second of a messy folk to have it dirty and messy again. Yes, that film with Tom HanksThe Money Pit– it is based in real events.

As you can see, change is not easy. It requires a bunch of ups and downs. In fact, it is very weird the case in which people can change smoothly towards what they wish without having any obstacle.

This is a fact. However, what I do not really understand is this theory of to do not do nothing. Until the point, which it only becomes a bad habit in which people only limits to complain, criticize and to blame others. It seems “otters” have more success than others. Do not worry if you did not get the joke. You will understand it one of these days…

Look, there is not any problem in to hear all kind of opinions about different themes. Not all the people can be agree on the same things. I understand perfectly the social agitation that some politicians have created after announce their candidature and I understand not everybody is agree with them. Or the Kardashians… I understand that family know how to sell things better than a bunch of marketers but what I do not understand is why some people must to disrespect them simply for the fact of because they are worldwide known.

Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything. Picture courtesy Focus Features.

Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything. Picture courtesy Focus Features.

I am going to play the guessing game and the devil’s advocate role. Let’s suppose, you really have met that politician whom you hate or Kim Kardashian. Let’s suppose, they have treated you bad and they have been very mean with you. Fine! Then you have the right to say of these people what you want. In other hand, if you have not met them never in your life… I mean, in real. Why do you say that things about their curves or their brain? Because you are envy of them and you cannot be like them? Or because you are more evil inside than the Grumpy Cat and you hate everything?

Why are people so hateful and mean? Please can we wind back the time until the times were this social networks did not exist?

Yes, you probably are right. This feelings have been always there since the times in which Cain killed Abel. However, I have also lived the times without Internet and, to me, it gives me the impression in our times it seems more cool to hate. I do not know… Does it give you more followers on Twitter or Facebook to write that hateful things? Do you really thing that kind of comments help somebody or they are interesting? Are they a way to relief yourself of the pressure others put on you? Or are they a desperate cry for to get the attention you are thinking you do not have? Seriously, folks, which kind of people goes walking on the streets talking like Samuel L. Jackson in a Tarantino film?

It seems people doesn’t notice that they are acting the same way on the social networks. So, are we living the virtual times or the social filmmaking ones? Because I really have my doubts with it… You will see what I mean…

I am not sure in your countries, folks, but in mine it is starting a wild tendency. If it was not enough absurd which people creating fake accounts. Now, the new wave it is to fake lives. Apparently, there is a bunch of people out there who does not have anything better to do than to fake things. Like they are traveling here or there. They are having this or that. This restaurant meal… When the fact is they are only getting the pictures of others from this virtual world and posting them like they are theirs. Sometimes, this folks do not even dare to retouch certain things… I suppose they waste their time in this stupid things because they try to feel superior than others. Fact, which is absurd but, like it seems the common sense was lost in some moment of the past, we cannot do nothing about it.

Felicity Jones and Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything. Picture courtesy Focus Features.

Felicity Jones and Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything. Picture courtesy Focus Features.

This madness of fake your life it has arrived to the point in which it seemed somebody faked that she assisted to the Academy Awards when she did not. Poor fashion magazines. It seemed this creature sold to all of you the dream. You bought it because you wanted to believe that lie and when you discovered the truth you felt so cheated that you tried to bury that person alive. Do not you see you are playing her game? Stop to talk about her and she will bury herself.

However, this is not the main point. The fact is, like there is somebody who has cheated, the rest of the world must be doing it. This is the conclusion.

It seems it is difficult to think and to use the common sense. The easy way it is to attack first and later ask. And, with that aptitude, people are not going to arrive to anywhere.

It is hard to think that if today, e.g., someone is posting a picture of Paris and tomorrow this person it is posting a picture from London; they are not really sharing the “moment”. It does not mean all the people is lying. Sometimes, some people like Me, for example, only try to share our reel in a more or less entertaining way. To Me, it would be far more easy to take my pictures in chronological order and to start to post. However, you will have weeks in which you will only see cities and weeks which you only will have marketing pics with brands. I think you like to enjoy diversity. Is it necessary to add a hashtag or a note saying the picture does not represent the “actual moment”? I do not think so. I think people must use more the brains.

Keeping with the picture theme. Do you want to know why do not I log in on Facebook? Because I find on there the biggest example of poignancy on Earth. I have not seen something of the same pathos characteristics since some websites closed the comment section of their sites.

I understand there is people out there who is not really focused. Some, can even have some mental or personality disorders but, the other day, I was thinking about this and I thought: “Can you imagine Freud living our times?” Probably, he will have some very interesting material to work; thanks to only watch what people publishes on the social networks.

I have found they are a huge lie and the only use they have it is gossiping, marketing or develop your storytelling skills. And it is fun, because folks think I am happy when I publish something about “otters” and I must be depress when I do not publish anything. Poor Cumberbatch he must be the “most sad” creature on the whole galaxy. Let’s cry… No, darlings, this does not work like this at all. Not with me at least… Wait! Talking about Cumberbatch… Who had the idea to compare him with an otter? I really have an “otter obsession” -which you will discover- and he shows up each time I look for “otters”? Can anybody, please, be so gentle to link me or share with me when the Cumberbatch/otter thing started? Thank you in advance.

One of the first issues I had long ago with the social networks it was people getting paranoid with Me. I do not use to publish anything on my personal profile. I think I already publish so much entertainment on the public pages. However, like I do not do it some people started to think that I “limited” them so they cannot see all the “amazing” things that are happening in my life. I look around Me and I still looking for the “amazing” stuff… But it is fine. People can think what they want… Although, they have got offended because they did not know on first hand what was happening to me. I pass of all these childish things… Then, a folk, even accused me of to do not help him to success in his acting career. It seemed I had a good job on Hollywood and I was not hiring him… I still thinking: “Why have not Facebook created the dislike button yet?”

Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything. Picture courtesy Focus Features.

Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything. Picture courtesy Focus Features.

I tend to be a nice person. I prefer to ignore the situations and to pass page. When I block somebody it is because they have really upset me and when I arrive to that point there is no return. Sorry folks.

My problem, in fact, are not really all this “oopsie tootsie” which people tend to have: virtual or not. The problem comes when they accuse you to cheat and to lie, telling you that you are not really doing anything. Things like: I am not really helping National Geographic or trying to help Nepal because I am not “actively” doing it. Of course, darling, I am not there digging with my bare hands trying to save people from the debris but you are not there neither. And it is curious because now I would like wind back the time…

To the era of the origin of the species. When each one was differenced of other by their purpose. I mean, do not think the unique finality of a mosquito is to annoy you and to suck blood. They are also a way to maintain “population control”. A monkey eats fruit and with it, it balances the number of fruit trees on the jungle. I could keep with this for long. So, let’s jump to humans. Which is our purpose? Because in some occasions it seems it is destroy and, in others, we are simply parasites who try to suck, even from other humans, the light and hope.

Where I am from, people only have two goals: mate and to get a job. Do not ask nothing else. Do not expect nothings else. Do not wish to change them. Because that is not going to happen. If you talk to them about recycle they will tell you: “It is not really necessary”. Or: “Feminist and Greenpeace are a bunch of punks who only look for problems and rebellion.”; “On United Nations there is a bunch of folks having the biggest wages on Earth and they do not do nothing.”; “Angelina Jolie wins a bunch of money each time she travels to that conflict zones because she is an actress and she is paid for act that way.”; “In Hollywood, everybody has the nostril reinforced because the large amounts of cocaine they sniff.”; “Books, are only useful for entertain or to make a fire.” And… “If your girl does not listen you. Just slap her in the face. They are all saying they love sensible men but what they really like is that somebody get it on them.”

Felicity Jones  in The Theory of Everything. Picture courtesy Focus Features.

Felicity Jones in The Theory of Everything. Picture courtesy Focus Features.

No, those phrases do not only belong to people whom have been grown up on the Franco times. They also belong to some people with degrees whom they have the same age as Me.

I know, people like this it is not only in my country. It is everywhere. I still having in mind a “fight” -more like an argue- I had with a woman from Alabama about the “Obamacare”. She won the debate with her position against Obamacare, because it is true: “I am not American. I cannot understand”. That is a solid argument.

The case is I have noticed this tendency for so long on the Social Networks. And I am noticing, in special, on those people who does not have more goals than to find a partner and to get a job. They are the first ones who are better storytellers than most of us who work or who try to work in the filmmaking industry. Most of them, have as a profile picture an actor or actress picture, they are constantly saying I am doing this or that when they are not really moving of their houses… Seriously, do not tell me this is not like a movie but -Katy Perry shows up in the scene singing: “It’s not like the movies. That’s how it should be…”-, in fact, it is not. Where is the “cut”, “action”, the freaked out producer who is shouting to everybody where the F* is his coffee; the director who is going to have a heart attack because nothing is going like the planning, everything it is going to cost more than the expected and he is scared of the angry producer beast who only knows how to scream? Meanwhile, the screenwriter is trying to sneak out of the set looking for refuge on the side where is the catering and where you always can find the drivers of the stars eating doughnuts. That is to make a movie! Sweat, blood, tears… Folks, you do not have idea of all the crazy stuff which happens behind a camera. It is for to write a book! And some folks pretend to create a film of their lives using the Social Networks, pictures from others and blaming to everybody who is really trying to make a film saying we are faking it! No idiots! You do not have idea of how to make a movie really is! Or a television show or anything!

These people think they know it because they see what we share and they are so clever that they think they know everything. It is like in football (soccer from the USA folks), everybody sees a match and everybody feels like they understand and they know which is the better player for a match situation. Great!

Eddie Redmayne and Felicity Jones in The Theory of Everything. Picture courtesy Focus Features.

Eddie Redmayne and Felicity Jones in The Theory of Everything. Picture courtesy Focus Features.

However, this new virtual “Filmmaking Times”, or with the Social Networks ones as you prefer, are not only making that everybody creates a movie around their personas. That woman in Spain who cheated all the press saying she went to the Academy Awards was only the tip of the iceberg. In fact, there is a bunch of “fashion” bloggers which seem they are faking that they went to several catwalk events from very popular brands. As you can imagine, with all these “fake people” here and there now there is some kind of hunting to see who says the truth and who do not.

And, in the meanwhile, I keep receiving “secret” messages of the soulmate lovers whom really swear they have had relationships with physical contact with someone. I am sure it was not with me but on those moments… I just sing: “Let it be…” You are warned, folks. One day, I will write a comedy about this. I have even decided my cast and it is going to be insane.

See, I understand the problem of these new era and why people accuses me or to “fake things”. I have a goal. Well, I have more than one… But to save the world and the galaxy of the Sith and pollution does not really count for the purpose of this text.

I remember one anecdote which Sidney Lumet shared once. He was with Arthur Miller and they were talking about storytelling. Then, Lumet asked to Miller why he always wrote for stage or film knowing that someone else was going to change what he wrote. Miller answered, he wrote that format and not novels because his written was alive; and each one, who entered inside the process, to make it real, was contributing to give live to that project. I have the same dream than Miller and today -this is true- I have dreamt some genius of the animation had took one of my stories and he and his team made an hilarious 3D movie for kids and I was watching it. I felt super happy to watch it, even the credits looked amazing. To me it is enough. That dream, just made my whole day.

Felicity Jones and Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything. Picture courtesy Focus Features.

Felicity Jones and Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything. Picture courtesy Focus Features.

Some people think because you are not getting out and you are in your computer almost the whole day. All the other things that you publish must be a lie. There is no way to make people understand that to write a text, of any kind, it is not so easy as blink an eye. It requires time. I agree most of what I type does not go anywhere but this is for legal reasons. If I will have the superpower to each time I will finish something I will clap my hands and the magical fairies will come and resolve all the necessary to make that writing real. I will do it but I do not have magical fairies and it is quite hard to do it by myself. No because it is hard an exhausting, if not because most of the times I am not really sure of the legal steps I must do, or how to make them and when I ask, nobody answers or nobody knows anything. I have a huge handicap simply for to live or to have been born in a country different than the USA or UK and trust me, when I say it is not easy. And I am not a suicider and I am not going to open a company in my country to loose more than 12.000€ at year even if I do not have any benefits or income. This is the law and I cannot do nothing at respect.

Although, do not think that I have been always typing without doing nothing. I tried several times to direct and to film short films. I wrote, I produced, I looked for the money, for the crew, the actors and when it arrived the moment all the people who have given their word did not show up. I even lived in Los Angeles for a while trying with the same hope to find “that kids who really are in love with films” and I discovered a bunch of folks say they love to work in “filmmaking” but they are not serious at all. You know that video about Dennis Quaid shouting the crew… Well, I give to him the reason and I applaud him because I really know how it feels.

The case is, those people: actors or crew. They are constantly telling you: “Oh! Let’s make a movie” but they do not want to make a movie. They want to show up on the red carpet and nothing else. They do not memorize the lines, they do not know how to use a camera and most of the times they do not even show up at time. So, you are saying to yourself: “Ok, the credits of this piece are going to be: Esther Lopez, Esther Lopez, Esther Lopez… Shit! It is going to look like if I have a serious problem of egocentrism…” This is the main reason I do not try to film nothing else for more than people cry to me: “Oh… I need a role… Write something for me…” I went to Los Angeles. I was living there for three months waiting YOU for film and YOU was always busy. Sorry, to all the folks who want to become “stars” without doing nothing. To all the ones who do not go to all the castings that people recommends to them or to all the ones who only watch films. If I had the right to work even in a McDonalds or a supermarket meanwhile I was living there. I would have found time to do my stuff but it is sad that some of you have the RIGHT to work and you are not using that opportunity because you are waiting fate will knock your door with the role which is going to launch you to the star system. Sorry, not more roles “on demand”.

I understand my ambitions are high. That probably, I am insane for to want to cast “famous” celebrity stars or for to try to save the whole world and the galaxy of the injustice. I understand I am crazy and, in real, I am not really doing nothing but, I do not understand your “bad habit”. Let’s see…

Felicity Jones and Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything. Picture courtesy Focus Features.

Felicity Jones and Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything. Picture courtesy Focus Features.

People is creating a lot of “parallel” lives using the Social Networks to create their “own films”. The other day, suddenly, I was enlightened and I thought I understood why some fandom have this kind of obsession that the idol calls them by phone or he will go to visit them to their houses. I am weird. I have been always thinking: “How does the idol know their address or their phone?” Then, “bing!” everything had sense… The subscription formularies that the “idols” have in their web pages to create a mailing list. Of course, they ask you for your address, your phone number and the number of times you pee at day… Alright, alright, alright, the last one is not true but it is a good joke.

Seriously? Do you think that for to be subscribed to a mailing list your idol is going to call you? Will not you find it creepy? And what are you going to do next? Memorize the phone number to call your secret lover, my apologize “husband”, on that naughty moments of the night… Ai, ai, ai… This goes to my “Holy Guacamole” comedy film. Yes, or yes…

However, I have even found a better comedy for all this “virtual” situations. It happened for real meanwhile I was typing part of this text on the phone. I was on the underground an suddenly a girl from the same age as me, more or less, sat next to me. She was arguing with someone on the phone about how bad her boyfriend had been. It seemed the couple had broken up because she discovered he was cheating her, on Instagram… Yep, yep, yep… As you can read. He had a parallel account on Instagram in which he was faking his live. That, and the fact he did not give to her all the attention that she needed was the excuse to split. Although, do not think the most shocking thing was this. The phone conversation continued and she told very upset to her phone friend: “What he thought? that I wasn’t going to discover he had another account or what? He even dare to ask me how I found it. I said ‘because I am a witch. What the hell do you think?’… The case is he’s idiot and a sissy. What he thinks? He is going to flirt with more girls with that FAKE account. I have more followers than him and if I want I can flirt and seduce three times more than him… He’s idiot.”

So… This girl have more “followers” than him and she can flirt more than him with his fake account… Can you understand know what I was thinking about Freud living our times? So, does this mean Cumberbatch is not real because he does not have social media accounts? Oh, noes! Keira Knightley is not real neither! Or Eddie Redmayne and Felicity Jones! Arggghhhh…! (drama, drama, more drama…) “My whole life has been a lie…” (cry, more cry) -Scene ends-. Buff… Thanks Lord I have got one of those papers from the U.S. Consulate who testifies I am a REAL person because if not I would not know what to do one day if I decide to close all this virtual madness… Wait! If you close a virtual account, or you do not tweet… Does it mean that person has died? Oh, noes! That explains the dead messages about Bart… (drama again…) And nobody has invited me to his funeral and I have not could say the last goodbye… (cry, more cry) -Scene ends-.

Maxine Peake and Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything. Picture courtesy Focus Features.

Maxine Peake and Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything. Picture courtesy Focus Features.

See, all this virtual tragedy is so complex to my alien mind that I cannot understand. Oh, wait! You do not know the “alien” thing… That is because you are from the USA or you have never been there for business. The papers say, literally, you are an “alien”. Seriously, do you thought that it was a funny coincidence that in almost all the sci-fi films “aliens” have British accent…?

I know… I type so much for a blog post. They must be shorter because it is what people enjoys more but this is my: “The Habit of the Theory Of To Do Not Do Nothing”. Because, after all, for some people to be in a chair the whole day writing it is to do not do nothing. Peace and Love.