What Does It Mean to Have HELP?


John Lennon and Paul McCarney. Picture by Help! the film courtesy of United Artist.

Months ago, when I published One Is the Loneliest Number, I received a message from somebody who use to read my site. That message told me: “Why if you need help do not ask for it?” My answer is simple, but as when I answer people using my Twitter account a lot of people think that I am quite loony. In part because they do not understand the complexity of the situation and they cannot see the whole picture. I decided that one day I would write a bit more about HELP and why I do not use to ask for it but, now that I am deciding to write about it, I think it is better if I show you a big part of the picture.

Probably, most of you, are going to think that this text it is a crying lament about somebody who is upset with the world because nothing has gone to her as she has expected. Think what you want. In fact, stop reading right now. If not, try to deal with all the laments that this creature it is going to offer you as best as you can. For my part, I will try to do not seem more pathetic than I already am or I will try do not make you cry. If you can laugh at any part of this text this will mean that I will have done my job right.

I do not use to ask for help because I have never received it even if I asked, cried or begged for it. I had none. Do you know when you are living in home with your parents, maybe you are a kid, a teen or a grown up, and you say to your mother: “Please, can you cook anything* for me? Well, I can count you with the fingers of my hands the times that I had that privilege. However, most of the times when… let’s call it: “I ordered food in my house”. I did not have what I ordered. For example, let’s say that I would like fish with vegetables. The concept of vegetable it is always potatoes and fish it is banned for several excuses. So, it arrives meal time and you find yourself with potatoes and a piece of meat which it is so cooked that it seems the sole of a shoe. If you ask why you do not have what you wanted the answer it is going to be, in the best of the cases, a bunch of excuses. In the usual cases, a bunch of shouts and screams of all kind. With no sense included, of course.

I am talking, about this as HELP, because I know a lot of folks who see a recipe and they say: “Oh great, I’m going to tell mama will prepare it for me.” Folks, you do not know how lucky you are. Trust me, because this is only the beginning.

” I suppose, that was the main motivation which made me start to worry about kitchen themes.”

Of course, and despite that I could have certain culinary eccentricities, or not**, do not think that my whims are last minute nuttiness. Both, my grandmother (whom I lived until my 18’s) and my mother have the same problem: they never know what to prepare. So, being a very young kid I prepared to them schedules with the meals that I wanted and no, they did not included chocolate, or pizza or pasta to each meal. I did not taste pizza until I was 13 or 14 years old and at 15 most of the kids in my school get fun with me because I had never tasted carbonara pasta in my life.

My meals included spinach omelette, lentils, soy bean soup, rice… I told you from the beginning of this blog: I am a weirdo; but do you know what? It does not matter how unconventional I can be with my tastes. It does not matter how many times my family asked me they did not know what to do to eat, and it did not matter how simple it was the recipe or how many schedules I did. They had always an excuse to do not prepare that meal so, I finished with a good excuse to do not prepare more schedules and with a bigger one to hate boiled egg sandwiches. Well, in fact, to hate boiled egg.

I suppose, that was the main motivation which made me start to worry for kitchen themes so early. Because I really wanted to taste what it feels to eat anything else apart of egg, potatoes, tomatoes and all kind of crappy frozen food. Although, do not think that I made the classy childish number of “I do not have what I want to eat” and I started to cry, scream and kick the floor like I see tons of spoiled kids do in the supermarket. I did not. I ate my food, burned, salty or raw, it depended of the day my “mothers” had.


John Lennon and Ringo Starr. Picture by Help! the film courtesy of United Artist.

Talking about meals. In special, I remember one year near my birthday. I was just a kid and grandma prepared me a ‘cake’ which basically it was: biscuit layers, with layers of custard and layers of strawberry jam. Nothing else, but I loved it. The next year, around two weeks before my birthday she asked me what kind of sweet I wanted for my celebration. I asked for that ‘cake’ but she told me that she could not do it because she did not remember the recipe. I gave her three more different options but I did not had none of them but I did not protest***.

In fact, one of the things that my family has always recognized of me it is that I was a quiet child. I have never protested of nothing and they could leave me sat in a chair for hours. I did not said nothing. I only looked at all of them how they talked and after 3 or 4 hours I asked permission to move of the chair. Do you see how weird I am?

Let’s going to set aside the culinary terms because I think that you had enough to know why I did not had HELP for that side but now, let’s talk about feelings. How many of you feel that the words “I love you” or a hug it is very HELPFUL to remove bad sensations and making you feel good again? I think that most of you are agree that this really HELPS. In my case, when I have received a hug from anybody from my family, even a phone call it is because they want something. I have never heard the pure words “I love you” directly from anybody in front of me and when I heard that words from somebody it was not the “love tone”, it was more the “excitement tone of thank you for have given me X”.

In fact, treat with anybody in my family it is like treat with the character or Miranda in the Devil Wears Prada, played by Meryl Streep. You are never going to heard a: “Please, can you…” or “Thank you for…” No, everything are tough orders without nice words, without knowing what these people wants and, the worst, without any sense of fashion.

It does not matter that you expend with any of them 300€ for Christmas they are never going to appreciate it and, with a bit of luck you will have a gift which probably will not be more expensive of 30€ but know for sure that in a 80% of the cases you are not going to like it. Because when these people is giving you that gift they are already telling you: “If you do not like it, you can give it to me.” Which means, that they are not really buying that for you if not for themselves.

In fact, I grew up fast. I have always been pretty tall for my age and meanwhile my grandfather was alive he dressed me, he brushed my hair and prepared me all my styles. When he died, my grandmother cut my hair as I was a boy and she started to dress me with Mutant Teenage Ninja Turtles T-shirts. When my mother saw it the excuse was that I had “baby hair” and it was necessary to cut my hair so short to make it grow back stronger. Please, do not ask.

“Wear your mother clothes at the age of eight years old does not make you the most popular girl.”

Two years later I had the same height than my mother so they had the fabulous idea that I can dress with her clothes because, I did not tell you something about my family: but they are perfect in everything and it is you who always has the fault, in ALL. As you can imagine, dress at eight with your mother clothes it is not very popular and fancy, even less for your pals in the school but it is okay. It is past and it is gone. The only trouble it is that since a few years ago everybody wants my clothes. You cannot imagine how long is the queue of demands and things that they “must heritage from me”**** the question is that right now I am using a 36/38 and they are in a 46/50 but, hey!, the point it is to have the things, isn’t it?

In my last birthday, thanks God I went out for days, my mother bought me clothes as a gift. They were of her size we had to go back to the store to change them. The store manager was completely shocked to check how she ordered what I had to wear and neither the girl or I had any opinion at respect. Let’s get clothes to one side too… But folks, please, really remember me that this year, when my birthday will arrive I must completely disconnect my phone. It seems that to cross a sea and to be out of the country it is not enough to make me feel guilty, worried and sad for others. Because I have never told you one thing, but I am very sensible.

When you were a kid and you were drawing and your eraser finished. What you did? I cried because it died and it had expended a long time with me. We had a relationship, we were friends, maybe family, and she died exhausted of have been worked so hard. One day, I will tell you that story… but seriously, I really feel the things and, if for example, you are my grandmother and you call me on my birthday and I notice in your voice that you are crying, you are going to touch me. Of course you have pride and you are never going to recognize that you were crying because that it a thing that only weak or crazy people does. However, you have touched me and I am going to remove heaven and earth from London to know what the hell is happening. I even going to buy you a teddy bear and I am going to skip a meal to can buy it. To later, check that it was nothing, that everything is in my head and that the teddy bear… just… ok.

Most people does not know what it is to grow up with the stigma that like you have the same horoscope than your aunt which it is crazy*****. You are going to be crazy too and it is going to be all your fault for have been born in that day. The others, they never have any reason to blame themselves. The world always spin around them.

The Beatles. Picture by Help! the film courtesy of United Artist.

The Beatles. Picture by Help! the film courtesy of United Artist.

I do not know neither what it feels when anybody from your family clothe you in bed and tell you a story or sing you a song until you fall asleep. I think that is the reason why I create so many stories.

If I had any problem with my homework which was hard to resolve for me. It did not matter how much HELP I could ask for. Nobody gave it to me, neither the teacher, professors… The answer was always: “You can manage it.” “You can do it.” “It’s your problem…” and the other school pals only wanted to copy what I had because they never had enough time to do their homework.

Only a teacher, in my first school, tried to HELP. She called two of the most prestigious private schools from my area. I had went there without pay anything meanwhile I had kept with the same academic records. My parents did not want that I go there because they did not wanted that with her daughter passed the same than in the American movies where the kids with uniform are waiting to their parents out of the school for hours until they come home and later they hate their parents. It is truth, it is much better if the kid can go walking to the school by him/herself. It is less picturesque.

When my parents decided that I had to occupy my evenings with more things. They decided that music would be good. It was for two reasons: the first, that they have read or heard that the kids that study music are more mentally aware; the second, it was that a gipsy told my mother that I will become a great artist and music is art, isn’t it? I hated that f* place and it did not matter how many crying scenes I did in home saying that I did not wanted to go. It did not matter how much I protested because I was going to become a great musician because a gipsy said it.

I was terrible, or that made me the people believe. I do not have idea, I am very confused about it. The only thing that I know it is everybody was a “rockstar” always high on drugs. Cocaine shots in the bathrooms before to start the class and a joint or two after finish it. When I started in that place I was only 8, I finished at 18. I can tell you “a bit” about how some “rockstars” are and some are not. How the ego is so huge that two of them cannot be in the same room because the room it is so small that the two egos do not fit inside. And, of course, without mention, anything of how all that kind of substances can affect the mind.

In fact, I am going to advance you something of this text. It is about groupies. Girls… boys… do not think that most of your idols really love you and appreciate you. It does not matter if they are singers or actors. Most of them do not know about your existence and the few ones that can know that you exist are not interested in have a relationship with you. That is pure marketing and branding. When you insist more in be noticed by them, first, they are going to ignore you, then, they are going to have fun of you -probably criticizing you at your back as you use to do with your friends when you talk about them-. Both of you are humans. The difference it is the amount of ego of each one of you have, nothing else. And, as you talk, having fun with your friends about if they have showers, if they are better sweaty, how huge is their c*, the depraved fantasies that you will have in bed with them… They do the same with you, except that in a 80% of the cases they talk about your crazy head, that you are fat, ugly and all that stuff. I heard so much of that kind of babels from childish “rockstars” and from the teachers too; but trust me, when you are in their minds, it is much better to be the ugly duck than the porn star. Neither, men or women, can control their manners when they had “wild” fantasies and they are in front of the “fantasized one”. The fun part is how are they going to react, but I am going back to the school days.

“Mozart and I finished our relationship with a lot of hateful feelings between us.”

I remember once in the Choir/Singing Class. The teacher was testing us to see which kind of voice we had. He was in alphabetic order calling us and making some simply voice tests. He called a girl partner before me and when she came back she was so happy and smiling: “Mezzo-soprano, he said!” Very exciting, as you can check. Then he called me: “Soprano” he said. My girl partner looked at me with that sight which it is saying: “I’m going to kill you.” So, she said: “I can do that too.” with all her cockiness and ego she run toward the teacher and she asked to make the same test again. After, she became happy because she was soprano too, but not very happy because she was not the only one. What a pity!

Anyway, I can tell you that to be a soprano it is not very exciting. My friend Mozart and I stopped to be friends soon and we finished our relationship with a lot of hateful feelings between us. Everything for a Magic Flute that he decided to compose when he was high because there is not other reason to write that. My other relationships with Bach, Faubert, Haendel, Morse and other famous “rockstars” did not worked well neither so I decided it was not good to my health to have any kind of relationship with any “high mass musician whom likes that his songs are played in huge auditoriums and listened for thousands of people”. No, thanks, I had enough of it.

Call me animal but do you know what I had to do to I can stop to assist to the music school? Because they were six years more waiting me… I injured myself, on purpose. I was tired to cannot go to experiment what it feels to skate or ice skating, to dance or to do a bunch of things because a gipsy said that I will be a great artist and my parents decided that I would be a great concertino. In case that you do not know, classical music player it is more respectful that become the next Hanna Montana, or Britney Spears (whom it is a bit closer to my age). In fact, I completely understand Lindsay Lohan which it is only one year younger than me. So, no more piano, guitar, and specially flute to me. And, no, in case that you ask, my singing concerts are private: only the shower and myself. No one allowed.

Definitely, that was a very HELPFUL period in my life. I hope you can read between lines the sarcasm. I started the college with the hope that things will change. The first year, a professor suspended me the examination having as allegation that I did not answered all the questions. When I went to the exam revision all my answers suddenly show up in the paper as art of magic. Maybe, I must be a witch and I made some magic trick, but he told me that I had the face of “to never have broken a dish” so he was HELPING me with that suspense to assume things… Bad things, that will happen to me in the future. Because everybody needs to start to be hit in some moment of life to become stronger. Now, dear readers, I really want to know, please leave a comment below. When you watch a picture of me it is really telling you that I am some kind of angelical being who had a perfect life and who needs to be tough so I will survive to the city jungle? Please, do not shut up what you think. It will be very interesting to know it.

The Beatles. Picture by Help! the film courtesy of United Artist.

The Beatles. Picture by Help! the film courtesy of United Artist.

When I almost finished the college I went to a producer company looking for an internship job. They were so captivated with my CV picture and my physical presence that they decided to gave me an opportunity but not as an editor as I solicited. They decided that I would better as a production assistant but as I denied that offer they told me that I could be director assistant too. Now, an advise to anybody who is looking desperately a job. Despite what the society, your boss or your family will tell you: run away from internships. Even more, if they force you to be a runner with heels.

In that producer company they made a weekly television show which it was a length of 30 minutes approximately. In case that you do not know nothing about music rights let me explain you a bit to make you understand.

You, as producer company, make deals with discographic brands. For a price, you can use songs from what they call “a library” which it is nothing that a bunch of songs from unknown composers. Each time that you use any song more than 30 seconds you have to pay an extra, which it depends of the discographic, song and percentages. Usually, “library” songs are very cheap to use but nobody wants to use them because people does not know them and they are not cool. So what do they do in tons of producer companies around the world? They use the songs of famous Dj’s or rock bands… but, later, they had threaten people like me in internships making us faking the musical contracts. So, if they really had used anything by David Guetta or U2 (which are the most abused) you falsify the reality and say that in the television show where played songs from the library. The producer company saves money, the artists does not receive a penny, the audience watch the show and he did not know nothing and the artist only ask “Where is the money?” But hey, who is going to check for the musical licenses in a local television station. Do you know how many of them are around the world?

The case is that it was my job. For unknown reasons the intern that occupied my job before mine had missed to update licenses since March and it was July. I remember you: weekly program, 30 minutes length, a bit more or less than 30 seconds the music changes… That means that for each show it was around 60 licenses to make, fill the forms and to send them. I did not know why, but it seemed that somebody though that I would be busy the whole summer with that task. However, like I live in a different temporal dimension, I made it in less than two weeks. So, the rest of my days at job were made of the personal maid of the niece of the boss. In this company they received millions of euros from the government to make some shows and, that boss, later said that the company had not money to pay anybody or to invest more in the show. Deceived for the high rate of corruption I decided that work in my area it was not what I was looking for.

“Nobody can HELP you except yourself.”

I went to Hollywood, I learnt that corruption it is everywhere and that the nieces and daughters of the bosses are well positioned in all the offices making life harder to the rest of the coworkers or human slaves. I also learnt that when you are looking for a mentor and they see your resume they got scared and most of these people tell you that they cannot HELP you because they have worked hard to arrive where they are. They cannot permit that anybody with more knowledges than them steals them the job position. Of course, there is the other kind of mentors and ex-professors which they will HELP you if you make to them some sex favors. And finally, it shows up the feminine side which will HELP you with their support, remembering you each day how ugly, fat, b*, w* and thousand of compliments more, you are.

Then, your family, which it is perfect, will HELP you too asking for a Chanel perfume or something like that. In that times, when you can pass a month with four potatoes, two lettuces, four tomato cans, tons of lentils, chickpeas and bread. To later, discover that you are not poor and you have a tiny fortune in the bank but, in that moment, you do not know that and the pressure to get a job it is so high that it can even make a spatial rocket go to the moon without gas.

However, if I have to create a special mention to all the HELP I have received it is to some “famous” people and their personal stalkers. Really, that happens to me for being idiot. It stills happen me, in fact. Because when one of these loons catch you there. It is no way to get out, not at less in these virtual times.

Imagine if I am idiot that I was literally falling on the floor almost each day because I did not eat enough and I really have tendency to be anemic. Somedays, when I stood up from bed I fell because my legs where sleeping. Other days, I fell sleep typing in my computer. And, even that, I offered to care of a guy who I did not know and who was injured in his back and neck, simply because I felt bad about him. Because I did not wanted that he felt alone and sick as I did. Thanks God, I did not went finally. But I went to care of my friend in the hospital. She had a terrible car accident few weeks ago and at the begging she was in coma. It did not matter how much time I expended with her or not. It did not matter that her mother was surprised because after six hours I did not leave her daughter alone. The most lovely thing is that all this people thinks that you do that because you want something in exchange. Probably, a job in a great spot like she did with her daughter finding her a job in the Golden Globes. It is very tragic and sad, for do not say depressing, that this people is always thinking that anybody wants to get something of them. That is life in LA.

The Beatles. Picture by Help! the film courtesy of United Artist.

The Beatles. Picture by Help! the film courtesy of United Artist.

Definitely, Los Angeles was very HELPFUL to know how people is behind their masks. On there, I discovered that your family do not even care about say Merry Christmas or, months later, tell you that everything is fine. If not they will push you until the extreme that you will really believe that there is nothing else to eat if you do not get a job right now, you become rich and you make them famous and rich to all. Of course, what they would do for support you would be go to the gipsy or to read more coffee cups. That is what it is really useful. And, about people that I met there… It did not matter if you payed to them a meal, made to them a gift or helped them in something because it is like your family: you will never have enough qualities which can satisfy or please them and, for this reason, it does not matter if today it is your birthday or it is Christmas because they are not going to remember you anyway. Although you NEVER must forget to congratulate them.

And, my favorite part: fans, stalkers, groupies and trolls. The last ones are specially HELPFUL. In fact, I have advanced a bit about groupies but like I am the demon reincarnated in a sweet face. I am going to talk without restrain my mouth and aliases. In fact, on November 12 I received this tweet:


@elmwrites: RT@AChaosFairy @DomsWildThings If Lady Gaga was an incest this would be the one. ♡ her music

Excuse me, person with a chicken in a detention room as profile pic and chaotic fairy but I am not very clever in all these social networks. Does your tweet tries to express that I said that about the fairy and the hobbit? Who is having incest with who? Who is brother of whom? Because I can tell you that I am tiny, not hobbit size, but I do not have nothing to see with Charlie/aka Merrin… “You Know Everybody”. My apologize, dear “rockstar” Lost in an island whom made me cried when you wrote in your hand “It’s not Penny’s boat”. I do not know if you are going to read this and I do not know who are these trolls and why they are keeping mention me in a strange Twitter loop. I only retweeted the pic of one of your bugs because I thought it was cool but, in fact, I did not know that the picture was from a “rockstar” because if I knew it I did not RT it. It was not until that Lady Gaga incest when I clicked your name. Let’s hope that these two trolls will finish with their loops. If not, I am afraid that this could be more annoying that the polar bears or the strange numbers on the Island. They were entertaining but they did not really had an explanation to be… OMG! Let’s hope that we are not dead and trapped in a Twitter universe… O_O

Let’s do one thing: keep with your bugs. I will keep with my books. And about the trolls… Pff… Let them do.

Next. Do you know how to deal with an stalker or troll? It is easy: you give him/her enough rope and he/she will hang him/hersef. There is nothing else you can do. Neither go to the police because they change their IP’s and Bang! Let’s going to start again.

I am like three and half years trying to deal with it. I swear that between all that I told you before and these kind of people they made me wish to die. I almost did. I hid in a cave for long time and I almost finished like: Gollum! Sorry, Tolkien moment. But no. Really, it was very bad times…

“Despite what some online dating sites say: When somebody falls in love of you on-line you are scuppered.” 

At the begging everything was nice. She was a women from Germany who only wanted to talk. She was older than me so in my naivety I thought that it could be good to me because there is something that you can learn from people older than you. The problem became when she started to though that I was not me, I mean Esther Lopez. I do not know why, but she thought I was a famous “rockstar”/actor. I am not going to say his name, his name is banned from make any kind of promotion because I know that he uses the internet as a Hive to do that. I must recognize him something, he HELPED me to develop the art of say the things without saying them. Which can be very funny because it really tricks all the stalkers minds. Like I am a weirdo, I am going to confess you the two names that I have given to him. That way, you will can read easy and flow the text without get Lost. (I am bad I know)

The first name, and making tribute to a stalker who was obsessed with the Harry Potter’s world, it is The One Who Should Have Not Be Named. The second name, and making honors to the greek legends and myths that he loves to create, it is Nemesis. Yes, as the goddess. Why? Because he is obsessed with wear skirts, in show his cleavage and he is definitely a chaos agent.

Well, the thing was that this German woman thought that I was Nemesis and she fell in love with me. Of course, when she awoke, because I have never lied her about my sex. She get mad and, unfortunately, (this is completely true) I have the same initials that Nemesis personal assistant. So, she started to get mad and more mad saying that it was all a game played with her… That we were fooling her… I tried to explain it to her but in that moment she did not wanted to hear any explanation. She was so mad that it did not matter what I would said to her, but she continued harassing me. That was when I wished to be dead and I almost finished with myself. I had all the blame from my family, partners, the stalker… inside of me. That I thought that I really had the fault of everything that happened in this universe. If that made me not hungry at all, imagine how you can feel if your father is eating your food or giving it to the dog. Even now, I have to eat alone in my office or bedroom because I can swear that I feel less observed and judged eating a huge dish of fish and chips in front of the Tower of London in the middle of a tourist attraction than in my own home. All that I eat, all that I wear it is wished for others with an anxiety that sometimes you cannot even imagine.

The Beatles. Picture by Help! the film courtesy of United Artist.

The Beatles. Picture by Help! the film courtesy of United Artist.

However, the problem get worse. To that person joined others with the same problem: all of them thought that the other was the “rockstar” and they got more confused between them, until the point that some of them really lost the concept of reality. I tried to explain to them which was the real situation but The One Who Should Not Be Named was very quick in delete all kind of comments which tried to explain any misunderstood. Unfortunately, this people preferred to believe a lie that affront the reality, in fact, most of them still want to believe that lie. Girls, I do not deny that your “rockstar” can make any comment in his page and he likes to play hide and seek. Now, I do not care anymore if you hurt between yourselves your feelings or not. But what I cannot really permit it is that you still confusing this site with his work and that you mix my fiction stories or my poems in your head as they have been written from him to you.

I remember what one of you told me once. She said, that the comments that I made (almost three years ago) or the stories that I have wrote only could have been written by him because he is the most talented person in the whole universe. Well, I do not know if he has talent or not but I can swear that he is not the only one with talent in this universe and all that written stuff which tried to help you, to tell you that you should be free, to follow the light and no the darkness it was me, not him. Despite of what you have read, I try to see the positive side in everything and I like to encourage others to do the same because I know how hard it is when you do not have nobody whom can help you with it. However, I still being the witch, the evil… which it is playing with your heads and who is trying to marry with your “rockstar” and if not, it is me who is playing the card of the victim to try to have your compassion and your mercy to later I can scre* you again and again. Do you know how you made me feel most of the days? Do you know what I want to scream? I am going to give you a clue: it start with F and it finish with U.

And then, there is the more crazy stuff: that I do not know if the message that you leave in my site it is for him, for his brother, bandmates, assistants, girlfriends or for me but, anyway it is nuts. Seriously, do you really think that for the simply fact that I had a picture a year ago of a table with a coffee and the newspaper Le Monde in my profile of the Nemesis Vy** virtual site, that was a secret code from Nemesis brother towards to you telling you which is his favorite spot in Paris to take coffee with you? Do you really think that for the fact of like U2 we are soulmates? That we should marry? Sure! Let’s marry with 100 million people more too. Oh! that you and I are unique because both love coffee. Really? Don’t tell me? How many thousands of millions more?

Really, this does not have any sense to me. So, if you want to keep hurting one to each other fine. I am not in your games but do not come to my site asking to mercy and comprehension because I cannot give you that, not anymore. Not after all the games that you have played and the “rockstars” played creating more of that dementia which really attracts to more fans, but at which prize are you getting your numbers rise? If you are musician you depend of your music and no of magic tricks to confuse the audience. If you are confusing your audience with mirrors and masks you are creating doubt. And, in a future, maybe they cannot legitimate your image or your work. That is a fact.

I never wish nothing bad to nobody and I have not any plan to start to doing it. However, when I told you that I wished to die, I lied. A part of me really died in that times and in the successive years of mercy that I gave to some of you trying to help you. It is a deep wound which starts in the middle of my heart and goes down crossing my body and parting my soul in two. And this wound, which probably will never heal, it was not made because somebody decided that it was fun to play mental games and reveal personal messages to all the stalkers so they could have more fun and entertainment. It is not because all the information that I said to anybody was filtrated, even if it was a lie and I saw how several of you get fun about it. That wound, it is because you really confirmed what I expected for long. Love, compassion, sense of care, respect… They do not exist in our world and whoever who tries to sell you that, it is really good telling stories or creating marketing promotions. People lives in a fantasy and they do not want to wake up of it because it is much better to keep dreaming with to be a super famous actress/actor or to buy Dior than to worry about finish with the poverty.

Thank you to all of you who has stepped at any moment of my life. All of you HELP me a lot, despite you do not know, because you made me like I am. Now, I think you know, more or less, why I never worry in ask for HELP. Because when I did: or it has not come, or the chaos ate everything. So better, just let it go and Let It Be.

*With “anything” I mean something that you wish or something special.
**Everybody knows that salads are very unhealthy.
*** Later, when you are a grown up, you learn that in some houses the birthday party it is not about the person who was been born that day. It is about let others arrange a party as they would like it to have theirs. Also, let them can eat what they love, not what you love. This means, that when bigger the party huge it is the problem until the point that if you are going to marry it is not going to be your wedding, it is going to be the wedding that your mother would liked to have but she could not. CONFESSION: This is the biggest reason and excuse that I have to do not marry.
**** Textual words, even from the family members older than me.
***** Crazy means she had a post part depression because she never wanted to have children but abort it was not allowed. Then, that became a bipolar mental illness.

Dog Biscuits

Everybody loves biscuits (cookies if you are from the other side of the the ocean) and everybody loves to have some treats, even our pets. So why we do not dedicate some time in the kitchen to give to them something that they will love? Plus, you can eat them too, they are delicious but unsalted. Remember that salt and sugar it is not good for your pets but if you want to eat them you can sprinkle over a bit of salt or dip them in a cheesy sauce. Ready? Let’s wuu it!

Dog biscuits.

Dog biscuits.

Ingredients: (2-3 dozen)

  • 300 gr. of frozen chopped spinach, thawed, drained

  • 1 cup finely shredded mild cheddar cheese, room temperature

  • 1 cup margarine, softened

  • 2 garlic cloves, crushed

  • 2 cups GF flour (You can use All purpose flour)

  • 1/2 cup nonfat dry milk

  • Water (optional)


1. In a food processor fitted with the steel blade, process spinach, cheese, margarine and garlic. Add dry ingredients. Process until dough forms, adding a bit of water if it is necessary.

2. Chill the pastry for 1 hour. Preheat oven to 200ºC (300ºF). Spray a cookie sheet with non stick vegetable spray.

3.  Roll dough out on a lightly floured surface. Cut with a cookie cutter of any shape you like or have and place on the prepared cookie sheet.

4. Bake for 30-40 minutes or until they become light browned. Remove them and set aside in a cooling rack, leaving them plenty time to cool before enjoy them.

Tell me if you Wuv them! Good luck :)


The Eyes of Kazan-Kun


Most of the times when you start to type you do not really have idea of how far the story can arrive. Some days you make an approximate length approach but others you simply notice that the characters that you have created, that the story that you are written it has so much more to tell. This is the case. I created this concept some weeks ago as a “scary” story which would fit well for this Halloween dates. I have been written in on the go thanks to the new technologies and devices. I only continued the line and I did not had time enough to stopped to think well about it but now I see. This is not a short story, it is a chapter of something bigger and my problem is always that I cannot think small. So, please, accept my apologize for finish it with a “To Be Continued” but I do not have time enough in a weekend to finish a short book. This part it is not really scary but I hope you enjoy it anyway. Please, share your thoughts about it and thank you vey much for your support.

The Eyes of Kazan-Kun

A gargoyle/sculpture on Melrose Abbey. Image from  Ferrebeekeeper.

A gargoyle/sculpture on Melrose Abbey. Image from Ferrebeekeeper.

That year started the war: the Great War. Most of the bravest men left the land to fight in Europe against the Germans. Most of this men would never return to the island to be with their families, with their children… They would never come back to tell the stories or they would never become old enough to tell to their grandchildren what happened in that times in Europe when the winter came and both army sides where waiting in holes dug in the ground to see if any general decided to act. They would never tell how they felt inside of a trench which it will become the grave of most of them.

However, meanwhile a lot of Scottish and British were fighting to honor the King George V and the land. A little town in the North near the Eildon Hills was almost desolated: only a few kids, some old men and a bunch of women where let behind. Although, what most of the citizens of this peaceful place did not know it was the War would not only happen in the center of the continent. For mischief and unexpected reasons it would arrive to their land too.

In little towns like Dingleton life could be very boring. In special, in summer, when there is not school and the only obligations for an eight year old boy were only to help her mother in the small orchard behind the house. They did not had sheep, horses or a family tradition business like the shoemakers of the town. His family was not really poor, in fact, Tommy’s father was the doctor and her mother Emma was a nurse. His family went to live in that small town looking for some fresh air that it was not in the big cities. And they finished in Scotland thanks to an old aunt of her mother whom was called Emma too.

Alastair, Tommy’s father, went to the war to help in all that he could the nation, but the two Emma’s stayed in the town to help the sick old ones left. So, most of the time. Well, in fact, all the time. They were attending Mr Burrow whom each day surprised everybody diagnosing himself with a new illness. He was saying that he was going to die since twenty years ago and he still there trying to be the focus of attention of all the doctors. It was also Mrs McCallister whom also suffered the same illness than Mr Burrow but, in her case, she was so old that nobody could really say how many years she was saying that she was dying.

Of course, with this scene Tommy’s mother felt quite absorbed and she did not expend the enough time with him. He hated the idea of to hear complaining and saying medical absurdities from two of the ”next dead most notable citizens”. It was much better to go out and dedicate some time to the small orchard but that task was quick resolved too. So Tommy started to think that he was going to die too: of tediousness.

One day, after his daily routine finished he decided to take a walk for the Main Street of the town. Of course, it was not so much to see because apart of the Main Street there where only a few houses more. All of them separated one from the other for several yards.

Detail from Melrose Abbey. Image courtesy of Stravaiging

Detail from Melrose Abbey. Image courtesy of Stravaiging

Walking that stone path and kicking a pebble to do something entertaining in the meanwhile he almost crashed with the old Will when he was leaving his house.

“Bloody kid!” Said the old Will with his deep accent voice. “You almost make me fall! Don’t you see that people like me aren’t quick in moves like you!” Said him furious moving his cane excitedly everywhere.

“I’m so sorry, sir. It will not happen again.” Said the kid more scared than the old man.

“It’s alright boy. At less you have manners. But tell me: what are you doing here troubling with tiny stones? Shouldn’t you help your mother and auntie Emma with their troubles?”

“Yes sir but Mr Burrow and Mrs McCallister are always with the same song and they don’t like kids around. So mom told me that I must care of our orchard but we do not have so many things growing and I use to finish soon that task. The rest of the day I’m very bored” said Tommy with his head down.

“I see… That old cracky two had to be married years ago when Mrs McCallister widowed that way they had been killed one to each other with the dramas that they create and nobody should care more of them” Tommy looked the old Will scared and confused by his truth words, but, deep inside him, he know that the old man was right. “So, if you are bored why don’t you read any book? There’s very good stories written out there.”

“I’ve read all the books of my house and mommy says that until daddy doesn’t come back nobody in her house it is going to buy more”

“I see… So you need some adventure to kill the time isn’t it?” Said Will completely understanding the kid, after all, he grew up in the same town and he knew what loneliness meant. “Do you want to hear an story from an old man?”

“Anything will be fine, sir. Even if you need somebody who can help you with the house duties. Anything.”

“You’re a peculiar kid… Come inside and sit.”

Old Will stepped to one side to let the boy pass inside. Tommy came inside the tiny house that the men had. Basically, it was only a comfortable room with stairs to one side and the living zone to the other. A huge chimney was in the wall opposite the stairs and it not only warmed the place it served as an improvised stove where the Old Will prepared all his meals. For this reason it was not strange to find all kind of menagerie close to the fire well arranged in cabinets and shelves.

In the back side of the room it was a single bed with some furniture which kept some clothes and a door that Tommy did not know what it had. The unique window in the whole room it was next to the main door and it had views to the town street. There was a small round table with some old chairs on there and a prehistoric armchair close to the fire but apart of that seats there was no other place where any visit could stay in a conversation for long.

“Please boy, choose your favorite chair” said Will pointing with her hand the table meanwhile he closed the door. “I’ll prepare some tea.” He walked towards the chimney grabbed a tea pot from a shelf put some water from a crystal bottle, several teaspoons of dried herbs from a can and with the help of a metal stick he hung the pot inside the chimney.

“Boy!” Say Will addressing the kid. ” Do you know that old Abby which it is near the town close to the River Tweed?”

“Yes sir. That one which it is falling in pieces because no one else cares of it. Auntie Emma says it is cursed.” Said Tommy sitting on a chair.

“Did she told you the story?”

“No, sir. She says that terrible things happened there in the past. Things that must not to be told again.”

Melrose Abbey Tomb. Image courtesy The Art of Nothing.

Melrose Abbey Tomb. Image courtesy The Art of Nothing.

“Nitwit! Of course it happened terrible things on the past but if nobody keeps telling them and keeping in the memory nobody should know what to do when it will happen again because be sure, little boy, that the same events that scared us in the past will happen again.” Said Will a bit upset and taking with his iron tool the teapot from the fire. He pour the beverage in two teacups and he left the teapot to one side. With his shaky hands he walked towards the table and served the boy. “Sugar and milk, boy?”

“Please sir.”

Will approached to a cabinet and took out some fresh milk in a crystal bottle, a tin box with some sugar cubes and another one with some biscuits. He put all of it on the table and each one served the tea to their taste.

“I’m not sure if your auntie Emma will approve that I serve you tea at your age or that I tell you this story but in our times at your age we were grown up enough to work hard in the fields. So I don’t guess why today kids aren’t.”

“Please sir, tell me the story. I won’t tell nothing to my aunt or to my mother“ said Tommy serving to himself a biscuit.

“Alright, alright. Let’s see… Do you know that in the old times this town wasn’t so boring and empty as it is today?”

“I’m afraid it’s hard to imagine it” said the kid doubting.

“Well, when I was your age it was. The Melrose Abbey had living more than three hundred monks which made the most delicious bread in the region. They made also cheese, beer, some of the most prestigious whiskey and tweed but despite it was full of men living and working in that old rocks they needed a lot of help. Almost all the town worked for them and we were more than two hundred living souls here in Dingleton”

“What happened? Why all of them left?”

“Not all the people left this cursed land most of them died here. In fact, almost all the monks died in 1844.”

“Why? Were they sick?”

“No,no,no. Nothing of that kid. Everything was caused because Kazan-Kun awoke and his plague isolated this valey.”

“Kazan who?” Said Tommy intrigued taking another biscuit.

“Kazan-Kun an evil from the old times. The most powerful Lord in the early times of Kenneth I of Scotland. He sold his soul to the devil for a piece of land when he was only a poor shepherd who did not had nothing to put in his mouth and he became one of the most powerful men creating his own Empire. The story says that he felt in love with Agatha, a powerful witch, when he had his mortal name yet.”

“Mortal name?”

Will knew that the boy seemed a bit puzzled but he decided to continue trying to explain everything. “Yes, son. Before he practiced some dark rituals he was a simply sheepman. His name was James Cromwell and he lived in a shack on the foothills. One day he was walking with his herd near Mars Lee Wood and in the crossroad of the Huntly Burn he saw her. Agatha was one of the most beautiful creatures that walked this land. It was logical that James felt in love at first sight of her.”

“How do you know Agatha was beautiful?”

“Because I saw her, when I had your age and before most people died in that Abbey and in this soil.” Tommy seemed really confused but Will continued. “Probably you have listened all kind of scary tales about Michael Scot, the wizard, whom was buried in the Abbey, isn’t it?”

“Yes, sir, but…”

“Well, despite some historians and Oxford eminences can say, that wizard is not the only one buried on that cursed place.” said Will lecturing the kid. “ Said the old man lecturing the kid. ”When James saw Agatha for the first time he fell in love but he felt that he was the most disgraceful man in the whole universe. He was sure that a gorgeous woman like Agatha will never notice him: a poor stinky men who walked with a few sheep. Then, he had an idea and he condemned his soul and this land forever.”

“What he did?” said Tommy intrigued eaten another biscuit.

“He went to a crossroad at nigh and he sold his soul to the devil in exchange of to own a piece of land but as the devil is wise he offered to him a new deal. He told him that he would be a great man to lead a flock and he accepted. Then, he became the most powerful King of all times. Of course, he got that but the real King of Scotland in that times did not recognize him as a royalty one and, for this reason, he only was a dark Lord from the old Empire. Anyway… His power and his followers rose fast and soon he controlled the Scottish Borders. He and his man did not had a properly castle in that times. They used the secret caves of Eildon Hills as a bastion and Melrose Abbey as a refuge. However, it wasn’t James who ordered to search for Agatha when he had all that power. It was she who came close to him. As a witch she knew the deal that he did with the devil and she offered her services to make him more powerful. Both became lovers, both learn and studied more about witchcraft and both became so powerful that they became immortal, leaving to one side their mortal names and their past. Nobody knows the real name of Agatha but James called himself Kazan-Kun. Both became cruel and inhumane in their practices. It is known that apart of the witchcraft they also practiced alchemy and necromancy. They mutilate some of their loyal followers with the promise of make them immortal but the legend also said that they were trying to create a better army which be weak in front any other creature, not even the devil.

There were very dark times in which the land suffered from crime. Blood was spilled everywhere until Kenneth I of Scotland decided to attack the evil and he an his troops raided Melrose Abbey in 839 but Kazan-Kun an their followers did not died. They could not kill the evil troops so they used magic spells from the Testament of Solomon to trap them eternally in the abbey rocks and this land. Although, not everything worked well. The legend says that something wrong happened meanwhile they were practicing the trapping spell: Kazan-Kun became and statue but Agatha disappeared.

Years later it was ordered by the new Scottish King to rebuild Melrose Abbey but something happened and since then it is said in this region:’The Eyes of Kazan-Kun can see everything, from Melrose, to Mars to Eildon Hills. Whoever would be foolish enough to awake him will be doomed, and Scotland will live again the ages without sun.’

And kid, what happened when I was your age it is that we did not believed that old stories and we were foolish enough to awake the most devilish being of all times.”

“But what happened?” said Tommy very intrigued.

Knock, knock, knock. Somebody suddenly knocked the door and the two men, the young and the old one, jumped in their chairs for the unexpected loud sound. An old woman voice screamed from outside:”Will? It’s me Emma. I know Tommy is there. Jane told me. I hope you aren’t filling his mind with fantastic stories…” said her using the menacing kind of tone which means: if I got you, you are going to know what to tell a story is.

“Nitwit! Your aunt! Better go out of here before she will use her broom to quarrel both of us” said Old Will scared.

“But the story?”

J. M. W. Turner's Melrose Abbey. Image courtesy Wikipedia.

J. M. W. Turner’s Melrose Abbey. Image courtesy Wikipedia.

“Rats! There’s no story! That was all! I’ve always wondered which kind of witchcraft women do to know it all…” said Will moving surprisingly quick and fast for his age meanwhile he made stand up Tommy and went to open the door. When he did Emma stepped inside without being invited and as she was the owner of everything.

“Hello, Tommy. Your mother is worried about you. I think it is time to come back home.” said Emma in her habitual giving orders tone.

“We were just taking tea and some biscuits. Nothing else that you should worry Emma.” Said Will trying to justify himself but quite scared by her. Tommy without say nothing went to the door ready to follow her orders.

“Thank you very much for the tea, sir.” Said the kid going outside and waving his hand.

Emma, looking at Will, said severe to him with clenched teeth. “For your own sake I hope you haven’t told what you shouldn’t but if you did be sure the fury of the Evil Lord that we met in the past is a joke with mine.”

Will gasped and Emma left the house walking with her nephew towards home.


Image courtesy of CoPromote.

Image courtesy of CoPromote.

One of the problems of publish all kind of things online it is that your work can easily be lost. It does not matter how good or bad it can be your music, your photography, what you write… because most of the times, or you have a legion of fans that are constantly demanding your work or anything that you do it is like throw stones in the middle of the sea where nobody can see them. They start to fall down until they touch the ground and they are kept in the oblivion but before they will arrive in the deepest of the Mariana Trench, you have the opportunity that somebody will notice the waves that your stones make when they fall into the water.

CoPromote, it is one of this new tech companies which help you with that. They are a network of publishers recommending one to other. With that, you do not only get your work more shared, if not you can even get more fans. It has a very simple use and it is free for basic boots. I recommend you take a look to it here. Good luck :)

Manners Is All That Matters

Be polite is fundamental. It opens you doors as you cannot imagine. It is truth. However, I think that this is one of the biggest missed qualities of our daily society.

Probably, most of this people* can think that act rude and express yourself with insults it is very cool but what they do not know it is that your vocabulary and expressions it is making that other people catalogs you and put you a tag classification as any animal in a zoo.

Let’s say that if a normal human it is classified as Homo Sapiens this kind of people with easy tong could be named Homo Discourteous. I like to call them like that, it is very fancy. However, where I am from, the old people use to say of this people that they have Lizard’s tongue. I do not know the reason why they say that expression but probably it is because lizards tongues are ugly as the tongues of the rude people. This is just my own theory.

Anyway, have a dirty mouth or not it is not the main problem of this question because, in fact, to have manners or not it is simply a lack of the ability of communication. It is easy noticeable that most of this people whom does not speak polity have a huge lack in their vocabulary and they have tendency to draw on the same type of words as a way to express themselves.

Some people could think that this is a problem which only affects to people with poor education or whom they did not had the opportunity to access to a high level of studies: masters, college studies, high school… But each day that pass I find that the number of degrees or academic titles does not have any relationship with to have manners. In fact, I am finding out that when more studies some people has more rude they are.

Years ago, it was very shocking to me the fact that some people had like competitions to see how many books they read in a year but what it was more shocking was that each year they had to overcome their score. For example, if one year you have read 48 books the next year the same person challenged herself to read 52 and each year the number rose.

In my ignorance, I though that this was great and that this kind of people will have more vocabulary than me, that they will speak much better than me and that they will have more knowledges… Please, have in mind that, to me, sometimes it is hard to read. I like to read, but most of the times if I do not like the style in which the text it is redacted I get bored and I need to step back. Other days, I am not really sure of the order of the letters and I read things that are not really there. Conclusion, I read tons of e-mails, blogs, newspapers, magazines, essays… but books: whole books. Probably up to three in a year. In fact, I started It by Stephen King almost two years ago and it is left more than 3/4 to finish it. I do not have excuse to justify myself but the original english written from this author it is very complex to me. I know that I am a weirdo but I understand much better Aristotle and sometimes, I get less bored with this kind of books that with novels.


Julie Andrews in Mary Poppins film. Image courtesy of Walt Disney Productions.

Apart of my personal reading preferences let’s just confirm what most of the people from the college told me: “That I am ignorant because I come from a town.” Having that in mind and that I am extremely weird because I like to eat seaweed**, eat with chopsticks or eat hamburgers or kebabs with knife and fork***; I can tell you that, despite my eccentricities, I am not using the whole day the word F*** and I do not read all that quantity of books.

It is shocking. Most of this people are constantly reading, they have more degrees than I because when all this huge economical crisis arrived like there was not jobs, they decided to study more things and go to the college again. Then, I get surprised when I discover that most of them cannot have a conversation without call you B**** or say the F word several times. I get also surprised when I learnt that one of this colleagues get fired of the museum where she was working for to address to somebody, who she did not know, with bad manners. Unfortunately, it seemed he was the commissary of the exhibition. I am afraid that it is what happens with art and artist, not all of them dress fancy even if they can afford it although the suit does not make the person, isn’t it?

Talking about art, let me tell you some anecdotes: “Years ago, I assisted to an exhibition in Martha Otero’s gallery in Los Angeles. It was a James Jean exhibition. If you know his work or not, I do not care right now. The point is the next. I had several friends in LA and I thought the exhibition would be a good excuse to meet them again and, why not, to try to make some contacts. Even my old teacher from the NYFA was invited to the event by the owner of the gallery but do you know what? None of them came because they did not consider that event important. They let me go alone with the promise that they will assist but they never showed up. It is okay I kept with my life and I looked for my contacts in different places. Months later, I was back in my country and I received an invitation to assist to the premier of War Horse in Los Angeles. I could not assist so I gave this opportunity to one of that folks who did not show up in the art exhibition. I thought like he was trying to promote himself as actor that could benefit him. He did not go neither.

I had ‘certain’ contact with a CEO assistant of Dreamworks in that times and I sent to her some of my work, which I know that it is not going to be awarded with any Pulitzer as my mother insist to remember me but I did. I used my best words, I was the most polite that I could be and I had a polite answer in return. Near in time to the last Academy Awards this actor pal which was the main character in one of my short films was in Los Angeles trying to become a star. He was doing some minor work in Paramount Studios and Steven Spielberg passed next to him. Spielberg stopped and talk with my pal to tell him that he saw him in a school short film which was interesting and not so bad. My ‘friend’ vacillated this in his Fb wall as a great success. I had sent to him few days ago the link for the open cast of Star Wars which he did not wanted to participate neither, but using that as an excuse I asked him about his Fb status and I told him that I sent long ago my short films to Spielberg. Well, I am still waiting a ‘thank you’ or something like that. In fact, the past month suddenly he excluded me from his Fb friendship so I guess that we are not friends anymore. However, I know that he stills working as a famous dog in the Disney theme park. So, I suppose that he missed so many opportunities or, maybe, he is waiting his biggest chance to triumph. I do not know.

Similar thing happened last week with other pal, in this case: a writer. He is american, from Michigan. He lived in Los Angeles for some time but he came back to his state because have a job in that city it is not easy as the dream tells. Well, the other day I received an offer job from Universal Pictures, it is more like a talent contest than a job offer. Let me explain: you will need to send to them a screenplay, if they like yours you pass to round two where they ask you for other one. The candidates which will pass the two rounds will be hired in an internship for one year with a salary of 65,000$ at year. But this opportunity it is only for the people from USA. Seriously, how many people do you think will kill to have this opportunity? Well, I sent it to him and I still waiting the “thanks” but something inside of me tell me that probably he is not going to take this chance neither.”

Members of Emmeline Pankhurst's suffragette movement in Mary Poppins film. Image courtesy of Walt Disney Productions.

Members of Emmeline Pankhurst’s suffragette movement in Mary Poppins film. Image courtesy of Walt Disney Productions.

What do I pretend to say with my personal stories? That the people that I met in Los Angeles are so crazy and nut as the characters of the first season of American Horror Story without being ghosts? That people loves to complain of everything without have taken any of the chances? No, that people is forgetting about manners and they have very serious communicative problems. Because when you send a gift to someone you expect an answer, of any kind, but you want an answer. Or if you really want to meet somebody in a certain place, let’s say Los Angeles, Paris… You arrange a meeting, and if you cannot assist: you send a message, a note or somebody in your place whom can speak in your name. The rest of the things that you can do only show your bad manners and lack of interest. And as I do not have excuse that cannot justify myself to my lack of book reading; this people has neither an excuse to their behavior.

If you ask me, I think one of the biggest problems that Hollywood has it is not that they are not open to new ideas or horizons**** The problem in Hollywood is the bad communication and the rudeness. I will always remember two things:
1. When I was looking for contacts and I found the company Benderspink. They had in their web page an example of what it is not a query letter. The letter was handwritten by somebody who seemed quite desperate and with really bad manners used menacing words to say that if they did not buy his screenplay they will pay it. Naturally, this is not the way to address to others.
2. When I found a contact which had a show in Warner Studios and he asked me for my CV. He was very disappointed because my picture was not attached to my CV but, instead of send me a message asking me for a picture he sent me an e-mail in which the most beautiful word that he said to me was Whor*. Then, I discovered that most of the people in that city are not really looking for fill a vacancy in their show as PA, what they are looking for it is for free sex.

I firmly believe, that if people in Hollywood or in the music industry will address to the rest of the mortals in other terms and matters they will not finished most of their days complaining for how lonely they are and that the only thing that they have it is money which they cannot really expend in what they really like. Before to start to complain, think what you sowed in your way because you will really reap a big pain.

Most of the people that come to LA are looking for a fantastic dream which will never happen. Others are looking for real jobs and professional opportunities. In any case, no one it is judge enough to decide which should receive an answer or which not because you will never know the primordial variant in this equation: success. You do not know who is going to have it who do not and after what I have seen, success does not depend neither of talent. So, why does not people treat well others? Because they are superior? Because they are better? Because the others are ignorant from a town? See, the point? You do not need to travel half world to try to get a job to hear the same words because some people really love to feel superior than others.

Going back to the college. I had some friends who had like an intense period of fandom. In this case, for Harry Potter. I know all the crazy stuff from that era in which HP was the only that “matter”. In fact, I probably have never read that books if I was not hanging out with that girls in that times. We even went to the premiere of the Goblet of Fire in London and then, I learnt that being hours waiting outside the event place suffering all kind of body contusions for a full of neurotics was not my destiny. I tasted once and no more thank you. The case is that they were so addicts to all what the Harry Potter world represented that they found some addresses to send letters to the movie actors. Each time that they received a new one they came very exited to the college to tell to the rest that “The Actor” had answered them. Honestly, it was more priceless the happiness face they had than the letter, but it was great to see that girl that way and not as she used to be, kind sad, anxious or a bit depressed. Each one has their own baggage. Anyway, I learnt with that letters that everything is a lie. A copy and paste in which you will always had the same written expressions, the future projects of this actor and a headshot of him signed. That’s it. It did not matter that you told him that your cat had died, that you are going to go to live to the next door apartment of him because the answer is always the same:

Dear (here they put the personalized name),

I am very grateful for your support and letter. Your sincere words mean a lot to me and I will always keep you in my heart. Your stories, messages and letters are what keep me alive in the darkness hours.

Actually, I am very busy working in (here the name of their upcoming project) and I do not have so much time to answer all your questions but as soon as I can I will do it. In reward of your devote dedication I would like to gift you with this signed picture. I hope this will satisfy your expectations of a formal answer.

Thank you very much for your unconditional support.

Always in my heart,
(Signature and Name)

This is not a copy exactly of what all that letters that they sent to that actors said but almost all of them said the same. I think I remember only Alan Rickman was a bit more original but it was practically the same.

I understand, it is impossible to answer to all of your fans about if their cat has died or if she has problems with her hair but, folks, one thing it is to be almost impossible and the other it is not even try it. There are two different things.

Scene of Mary Poppins film. Image courtesy of Walt Disney Productions.

Scene of Mary Poppins film. Image courtesy of Walt Disney Productions.

I am going to confess two things, or maybe one, I have lost my count. I am very fan of two persons until the point that what they did in fiction or in real they made me change and wanted to be like them in that specific situations or ways they had to deal with life and problems. One of this persons for excellence is Mary Poppins and I am not kidding when I say that her positivity it is admirable. I always wanted to be like her and most of the times when I was young and dark times surrounded me for every corner I thought what will Mary do now? And I though: “Sing”. So, I was always singing like a bird because it was the way to take out of me the problems.

The other person is Viggo Mortensen. I saw A Perfect Murder and I was fascinated by the paintings. Then, I read that he painted all of them for the movie and I started to want to know more about him. The concept of a Renaissance Men came from him. I wanted to be a female version of this classification, I still want to be, and I will not care if people tell me crazy or weird because I like that. I like to create and I like several disciplines. Talent or not, that is not I who must say it. Speak more languages or less, there is time to learn. But definitely, I find his persona fascinating. However, none of these things made me felt the necessity of watch the last movie he made or to send him a letter because I will not know what to tell him.

I am talking you about my idols for one thing and it is the really matter of all this piece. Do you think that is in my family when I learnt to talk in a polite way or having certain manners at the time to talk with others which are not in the same social category than I? Do you think I learnt it reading books? The answer is: no. I did not because if I introduce you my family you will easily check how they have Lizard’s tongue. There is not a day in which I cannot hear a complaining or bad words but each one is the way they choose to be. To most people I am pedantic, lunatic and not fashionable because most of the days I decided to wear plaid leggings in blue tones with a white or salmon sweater. That is the motive of all kind of laughs when you go out there shopping and do you know what? They, without knowing it, are losing a client, not for the criticism if not for their aptitude. This not only happens to me, it happens to everybody in different situations in each corner of the world. So, that old saying of “wash your tongue” is saying you that despite the television series are involuntary teaching that to say filthy words it is cool or to say EW! of everything makes you the Queen Bee. That is not the reality.

One of the things, that I learnt from Viggo was that he disliked that kind of letters that I showed you before, so he answered back all his fans in a handwritten message to avoid that impersonating messages. Sometimes, between the letter and the answer it can pass months but he did not wanted that cold texts to their fans because he would not like them to him. Of course, this was before The Lord of the Rings after that, I do not know what he is doing but I admire that point and I think to be polite it is effortless if you practice it each day.

Most of the people who send letters to idols or to somebody who do not know and they have only watched on screens or listened their music only want to be heard. For any reason, but they want to be listened. Most of this people whom are partners in profession and send letters to “famous” in the sector do not pretend that the “star” looks for them the perfect job and opportunity. They are only looking for advise because they have never faced a situation but the “star” did, so they are looking for an answer from somebody who can understand them because their families or colleagues cannot help them with that. But, meanwhile in the music industry, or Hollywood, they will insist in sell myths, answer rude or with impersonal letters, lying about their past to magnify themselves and create bigger myths or, simply, ignoring the messages. They will never face the huge communicative problem and they will not discover the full potential of communications. But I know that most of this people is not going to change because they are so insecure about themselves and their talent that they are afraid that other steals the “throne”. That’s it.

Julie Andrews, some penguin friends and Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins film. Image courtesy of Walt Disney Productions.

Julie Andrews, some penguin friends and Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins film. Image courtesy of Walt Disney Productions.

So now, talking about communications. I have tried to be polite with one of my followers. He is from the musical side and I do not really have an answer that can help him but like in our days communication permits us to connect with a lot of people at the same time. I thought that maybe someone out there could know the answer to his tiny trouble. He agreed in that I publish a part of his letter to me. Let’s see:

“Our band has a Spanish connection. We are re-releasing our songs on an LP, and we are having it manufactured, partially, in Spain. It is being manufactured in 4 European countries. I am very happy! (But no one has to buy our music, because anyone who likes our songs can find all of them, free on YouTube. The music is free. Only collectors actually pay to buy our music.) Hope you enjoy the videos!”

We all now that the music industry it is not in the best moment for anybody but I am sure somebody out there know what to do to resolve this problem. Because if collectors want to pay to buy their music maybe it is all a copyright problem with Youtube.

If anybody has a possible solution to this, please, comment bellow I am sure he will appreciate the information that I could not provide to him.

The conclusion of all this personal babbling it is simple. It does not matter who you are or who you think you are because you are made of flesh and bones like any other. Be polite, be educated and showing tact and manners towards others will always help you. Forget about be cool or not. After all, what everybody wants it is to have a bunch of doors open and, possibly, windows too to let fresh air make you breath in asphyxiating times and do not need to depend of fans. To the ones who did not catch the metaphor it does not mind because “Manners is all that Matters” and nothing else. Not the talent, neither to have success.

*who is always watching this kind of teenage series in which the words F*** and B**** are constantly in their mouths,

**Whatever they say but Nori and Wakame bites are delicious.

***because I do not feel in the mood to get my hands greasy
****creative and technology talking.